Luckiest Man

(HT: Mike DeSimone)

Michigan 31, Illinois 14

To derp or not to derp...that is the question. Or is it the answer? Ron Zook isn't sure and he's been thinking about it real hard for a long time so you know that this is a quandary of such immense existential weight that it would boggle and possibly even crush the most powerful of minds. In reality, Ron Zook is not a football coach but a water ski enthusiast that happens to coach football on the side. Ron Zook's interests in life: being completely oblivious, running on third and 10, having blustery hair, and taking the wave runner out onto the streets of Champaign. In Ron Zook's world, this is perfectly normal. At any given time, Ron Zook coaches like it's six minutes into the first quarter and the repercussions of the accretion of derpitude stemming from his choices has not already torpedoed his team's chances. No matter what happens, Ron Zook is this on one never-ending loop of lobotomized bliss: 

Should I keep going? The fact that he has survived to see a seventh season at Illinois is a testament to man's ability to ratchet up primordial self-preservation instincts in order to procure enough food to survive the day and/or barely beat Western Michigan and Northwestern. 

With that out of the way, despite Zook's constitutional devotional to being terrible, Michigan was actually doing things to make the end result what it was. It didn't look great at times, but when you can muster up the bravado to complain about a first half performance that saw Michigan completely stifle Illinois's offense, you know things are probably pretty good. Winningly ugly certainly is more fun than losing really really ugly, and this statement will be included in a book of obvious statements written by Chad Henne and obviously titled "Excellence Is Good." 

The Offense 

My first impression was one of doom and gloom, but, the more I think about it, maybe it's not so bad. Michigan put up 31 against a formidable defense, more than any other Illinois opponent save Northwestern (qualifier: yeah, those are some bad offenses on their schedule, but it's all relative at this point). This is of course not even mentioning the inopportune turnovers and the Illini's general inability to move the ball, additional reasons to not feel so bad about things. Obviously you can't just take turnovers out, but Michigan could have very easily scored in the 40s, on the road, against a pretty good defense. These aforementioned things in and of themselves aren't enough to assuage any feelings of discomfort, but together they make a convincing case. 

It's hard to give the quarterback play a true grade given the paucity of data, but overall it's difficult to be too critical. Denard went 6/9 passing (excising the meaningless end of the first half Hail Mary), and he good on the few opportunities he did get, which including multiple lasers between the hashes and one laudable (if underthrown) touch pass to Koger down the field. As far as the playcalling goes, I think it's obvious that the coaches saw how well we ran the ball, saw how poorly the Illini did anything, and decided not to air it out much at all. It's not a pretty way to win, but it's a way to win. When an opponent as incompetent as the Illini basically obviates the need to pass...don't pass. Yes, it is in fact 2011 and not 1911. 

At this point, with two more teams fielding okay defenses and mediocre at best offenses left on the schedule, I'm not sure if the battle plan really needs to change all that much. It's not flashy or exciting and it certainly doesn't get Denard the game reps he needs to become a better passer, but, as I said it's late for that. The time for Denard to throw it around was long ago, back in the halcyon days 6-0 run. Despite this, those who say that Devin should be the guy are, quite frankly, crazy. I have no idea how many of these people are extant, but whoever you are, you're crazy. Nevertheless, Devin did show some nice poise to step up and hit the open Odoms for 6; it's an improvement. Unless we are holding a lot of plays for the Ohio State game, it appears that both Devin and Denard are about as good as they're good to be this season, and that, to me, makes it obvious who should be getting the vast majority of the snaps. Maybe Devin wins the job in the offseason. Who knows. For now, Denard gives us the best chance to win, and that's all that matters.

Outside of the weekly quarterback non-controversy, Fitz Toussaint was busy looking like Mike Hart with speed again /Jackson'd. He ran for a career high 192 yards on 27 carries (good for a YPC of 7.1, a number that is still pretty good even if you take out the 65-yarder on the opening drive). Michigan has seen some times since Mike Hart moved on to the NFL, with Minor, Brown, McGuffie, Shaw, Smith, etc. all getting looks and all doing some nice things at times but never enough to be the undisputed #1. Fitz has done that and then some. I do admit to wondering how different (i.e. better) the offense would've looked in 2010 with a legitimate spread tailback to complement Denard, but as they say it's in the past. 

Elsewhere in the run game, Denard did his thing, carrying 12 times for 45 yards, which isn't amazing but it's hard to be upset when two of those carries are touchdowns. The only Charles Barkley turrible moment that I can still recall is that botched 4th and goal, but even that isn't really Denard's fault so much as maybe a nice call by the Illini and poor blocking. 

The offense is what it is. It's a work in progress, the Death Star circa Return of the Jedi. Borges is trying to construct something with a pile of Legos and Lincoln Logs and some rubber bands, and whatever is the result of this grostequely inadequate and variable pile of parts is going to be, well...inadequate and variable. As such, one way to mitigate that is to simply go into "just win" mode, which entails throwing 15 times between two quarterbacks throughout an entire game on the road. 

The Defense 

I can't remember the last time a Michigan defense's performance made me feel so happy. I think the answer is "2006" but I can't be too sure. While the defense looked good earlier in the season, it was more a product of minimal expectations exceeded; solid performances but one saddled by the qualifiers of competition and our own low expectations. Now, Michigan's defense is an absolute good, an entity to count on and consider a strength without irony or reservation. This defense is good. 

Again, a certain amount of Illinois derp is at play here, but a good amount of that derp came about because we looked fast and strong in the front 7, with the secondary forcing turnovers, helping in the run game, and overall shutting down the Illini passing game outside of AJ Jenkins. It felt like watching a Michigan defense of old, and for a second it felt like Glen Steele, Rob Renes, Jarrett Irons, Tripp Welborne, and Leon Hall were out there once again: hitting, covering, crushing. 

The Illini had a mere 214 total yards of offense (37 rushing, 177 passing). For those counting at home, on 33 rushing attempts, the Illini averaged 1.1 YPC. ONE POINT ONE. Other than Jenkins, the passing game netted 74 yards. Greg Mattison has officially made the desert bloom. 

Michigan's only mistakes came as a result of youth seeing the field (Clark) and not knowing how to defend the zone read/option, but whatever. Our top four tacklers (RVB, Martin, Demens, and Morgan) were all front 7 players, which is the way things should be. Four sacks, a Kovacs forced fumble/Gordon recovery, a JT Floyd interception, and an indomitable will to be in the right place and to hit whatever shows up at that place later, and you've got a 31-14 Michigan win in which in the Illini didn't score until late in the third. 

Van Bergen and Martin continue to dominate, and man we are going to miss them next year. That said, with how improved the defense has been (including the DL), and the presence of essentially 3 guys coaching the DL (Hoke, Montgomery, Mattison), I'm not as worried as I maybe ought to be. I mean, Will Heininger notched a sack last week in Iowa City. While the depth is still scary and elite talent isn't quite there yet, there's enough there for a solid unit next year. 

Think about our back 7 play the last three years (and beyond, even). Think of all the times Michigan did their best Oprah impression in gifting teams cheap touchdowns over and over again. Indecisive linebacker play, coverage breakdowns, abominable tackling, and, most importantly, no sense that anybody was on the same page, let alone reading the same book. It cannot be stated enough: we are so lucky to have a guy like Greg Mattison coaching this defense. 

While Michigan did to a Illinois offense what many teams before them had done, the welcoming thought is right there: Michigan did what they were supposed to do. They saw a weak offense and suffocated it, they stared down the Ben Chappell Theory and swarmed it with a tacit refutation that was both coldly efficient and extremely fun to watch. Michigan 1, Ben Chappell Theory 0...the future is bright. 

Special Teams

So, another not terrible game here (and by not terrible I mean not like the last few years); actually, it was pretty good. First, Gibbons? 

1 for 2 on the day, inspiring neither additional confidence nor additional reasons to worry. Otherwise, Gallon had a dynamic day returning punts: although he didn't break any for 6, he did return one for 32 yards (4 for 62 on the day). Hagerup was sort of mediocre once again, punting four times for 137 yards, good for an average of 34.3 per punt. He had a long of 44 and a 30-yarder that pinned the Illini just inside their own 15 (a good thing, but not for that average). 


Miscellaneous Minutiae 

• Odoms! Anybody that reads this knows how big of an Odoms fan I am, so it's been nice to see him get on the stat sheet last week in Iowa City and this week with the touchdown. As good as Gallon has been, there's always room for quality depth on the field. Here's to a final three games to remember for Odoms (and the rest of the seniors, for that matter). 

• J.T. Floyd, a week after getting smacked by one Marvin McNutt, looked like a legitimately good Big Ten corner. He was active on the ball, and the interception plus return is just gravy for a guy who I basically equated to Grant Mason before the season started. Nebrask'a group of wideouts isn't particularly talented, so one would expect Floyd to lock things down once again. That's right Big Ten...you don't come in here and throw on FLOYD ISLAND. 

• Michigan's rushing output exceeded the Illini defense's previous average of 102.9 yards per game by approximately 120 yards.

• Denard passed Tom Harmon on Michigan's career touchdown runs list. He also passed Tim Tebow and Dan LeFevour on the NCAA career rushing list. Just sayin'.

• Thomas Gordon now has four fumble recoveries on the year after recovering a ball coerced out of Jason Ford's hands by Jordan Kovacs's helmet. Fumble recoveries may be somewhat random, but Gordon seems to be around the ball whenever these things happen. 

• With Nebraska and Ohio State continuing to look about as potent as Illinois on offense, it's hard not to look at the next two games and reduce our likelihood to win or lose to, yes...Denard. 

• It still hasn't hit me that we're actually 8-2 with a good shot at going 10-2. Wow. I'll finally be back in Ann Arbor for this week's game against Nebraska for the first time since SDSU...can't wait.

Who Are You and Why Do We Care?: Illinois Fighting Illini

Is there a rivalry here?

Similar to Iowa, Illinois is not a team Michigan has a traditional rivalry with. In 92 all-time games, Michigan has a 67-23-2 record. Even Rich Rodriguez beat them once, although that game had a score like a basketball game. Coincidentally that leads me into...

When did we see them last?

Last year the Illini entered the Big House and put up 65 points in a losing effort. The highest scoring game in Michigan football history was won in triple overtime by the good guys 67-65. On the Illinois side, Nathan Scheelhaase threw for 211 yards, ran for 101, and scored four total touchdowns. Mikel Leshoure ran for 120 yards on 24 carries and caught two passes for 52 yards, totaling five touchdowns. While those numbers seem ridiculously high, Michigan had some tremendous performances of its own. Denard threw for 305 yards and 3 touchdowns while running for 62. Tate had to come to come in as a back up, and he threw for 114 and two touchdowns. They combined for three interceptions. The player of the game for Michigan was Roy Roundtree who set a Michigan record for most yards in a game with 246 and two touchdowns. Fellow receiver Junior Hemingway also had a very solid game with yards and two touchdowns. This game featured no defense until the last play of the game. GERG dialed up the blitz on the two-point conversion in triple-overtime, and Scheelhaase couldn't do anything with the ball, and the game was over. 

What do they look like?

Their official colors are "Illinois Orange" and "Illinois Blue." Here is a sample of each of their current uniforms, and here is what they look like on football players standing indoors. They are a Nike school so they have lots of piping and weird stripes and such. Nike liked these uniforms so much that they copied them with slightly less piping for Virginia. 

Have they had good coaches?

Well Bob Zuppke was probably pretty good. As Head Coach from 1913-1941, Illinois went 131-81-12 including four National Championships and seven Big Ten Championships. Now, Ron Zook is the man in charge. Zook was the head coach at the University of Florida from 2002-2004, was fired before the end of the season. Florida let him coach the rest of the season, and Zook took the job at Illinois before the Peach Bowl. Since arriving at Illinois, Zook has gone 34-48. In 2008, the Illini went to the Rose Bowl, but got blown out by the Trojans of USC. 

Have they won any Big Ten or National Championships?

As I previously mentioned, Zuppke won four National Championships in his career at Illinois. The most recent National Championship was won in 1951. The Illini have won 15 Big Ten Championships, winning most recently in 2001. 

Where do they play?

Memorial Stadium was opened in 1923. Here are some pictures of what it looks like. According to the University, during construction of the stadium, "a rainy season caused a bulldozer to sink into what became the football field." It is still there to this day. Also, miscellaneous white man with fro in front of the scoreboard. 

Do they have a goofy mascot?
Not anymore... Here's Chief Illiniwek's last dance:

(If you notice, this was a game against Michigan)

For years, Illinois used the Chief Illiniwek head as their main logo. In 1926, the assistant director of bands wanted a Native American war dance during halftime of football games. Starting in the mid-1970s the Chief was subject of much debate over its political correctness. In 2006, it was decided that Chief Illiniwek could no longer be the official university symbol. 

Michigan needs a win this week. This could be the difference between a 7-5 season and a 9-3/10-2. This game is essentially the same for Illinois. They will come out strong, but Mattison's defense should shut down their offense, and Denard should make few enough mistakes. Prediction based on everything but football: Michigan 28 - Illinois 24.

All Glory Is Fleeting, 11/9/11

The End: There's really no need to produce an elaborate rundown of the PSU scandal here, as others have already done so more comprehensively than I could have. With that said, I have to say that I don't feel "sorry" for Paterno (especially in light of his apparent refusal to resign/decision to retire after the season ends), as I don't think anybody other than the victims themselves and their families deserve any sort of sympathy. This cannot be stated enough times or with enough vehemence.

As far as Joe's legacy goes (which is so far down the list of things to fret over as to be essentially meaningless), an EDSBS commenter recalled the final lines of Patton (side bar, but if you ever want to make yourself more intellectually well-rounded--and funnier--EDSBS comment sections are as good a place to start as any):

For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph - a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot, or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror, holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting. 

It is both amazing and saddening that one of the few seemingly irrevocably solid entities--underscored further by an increasingly sordid college football landscape--left in college football has revealed himself to be no different than the rest in the span of a few days. But, let's be honest, these events had been incubating for years, ever since the day that McQueary and Paterno saw and heard something so horrible and yet decided to look in every other direction other than that of moral compulsion. I don't understand how Joe Pa can be so devoid of shame as to coach another game, but it appears that he just might unless the lower end of the NYT's report comes to fruition. If Joe Pa coaches this Saturday, it will surely set the backdrop for one of the most bizarre, emotionally conflicted college football atmosphere of all time.

Even if PSU does the right thing regarding all those who are culpable*, given the nature of the crimes...nothing can ever truly be enough.

*Which, it goes without saying, should entail immediate dismissal of Paterno, McQueary, Spanier, and any other administrative types who heard about these things and did nothing.

Let's Have A Commitment Time: Michigan acquired commit #24 on Tuesday, in the form of Pioneer tailback Drake Johnson. This is an interesting commitment given the complete absence of recruiting hype or meaningful offers, but a closer look reveals a player that offers some ability; namely, speed. I admittedly haven't heard much about him until now, but Ace's Hello post seems to denote a very Mike Shaw-esque skill set. A guy with speed in spades who tends to bounce things with regularity while lacking the moves that separate a high school athlete from an FBS-level tailback. Trust the coaches and all, but I'm not sure how much of an impact he'll have at the college level, but we'll see...Mike Hart etc. etc.

Almost as relevant as the commitment in and of itself is how this affects Michigan's courtship of Buckeye commit Bri'onte Dunn. On the surface it would seem that Michigan has essentially thrown in the towel re: prying Dunn away from the Buckeyes, but Kyle Meinke says not so fast. Another potential implication is that, in light of open spots becoming increasingly scarce, Michigan may be operating under the notion that AJ Williams will in fact be a lineman at the college level, which is not exactly a stretch given that he is already pretty huge and has been playing at the tackle position this season anyway*. I wouldn't mind this at all given the lack of depth on the line, but Michigan will still need to land at last one more OL, in addition to two receivers (Darboh, please don't go to Iowa and become the next inexplicably good Iowa receiver).

*Apparently he's a whopping 290 pounds already, of which some is probably bad weight but will inevitably become good weight once he starts a college S&C program.

On The Disappearance of Thomas Gordon: After everybody spent the rest of the weekend wondering why Gordon had been unseated in favor of Woolfolk, Brady Hoke explained:

It's simple: Fifth-year senior Troy Woolfolk, who moved to safety two weeks ago so freshman standout Blake Countess can start at cornerback, had a better week of practice. For Hoke, that was enough to keep Gordon on the bench.

Okay, I guess. That answer is a little bit unsatisfying but you can't really argue with it as a fan. Still, I don't see how one week of practice can cancel out two thirds of a season's worth of competent play in favor of a guy who probably isn't even 100% and got beat out at corner by a freshman. I don't know...establishing an environment of competition and accountability on a week-to-week basis from the beginning of Hoke's tenure is obviously vital. Either way, even if Gordon doesn't start this week, there's no question he should see the field in some capacity, whether at safety or the nickel. On the bright side, our next three opponents aren't exactly Oklahoma State when it comes to passing the ball, so our safeties shouldn't be tested deep with any great capability by Scheelhaase, Martinez, and Miller. At the same time, all three can and will run the ball, and I just think Gordon brings a level of physicality that Woolfolk simply does not, let alone a banged up Woolfolk.

The Mediocre Bowl (also see: "every Big Ten game in 2011"): Illinois blog "Hail to the Orange" talks about the importance of the upcoming titanic matchup:

Illinois who lost to Purdue, who earlier this year lost to Rice. Michigan who lost to Iowa, who just the week before lost to basement dwellers Minnesota. The same Illinois team that earlier this year defeated Arizona State, and the same Michigan who beat Notre Dame. This could be a valuable lesson that the there is no transitive property in football, but it is also further proof that here in the Big Ten, we are sorely lacking in elite teams that can run away with the league.

Pretty much. The Big Ten=ACC, and that is ironclad.

This Week In Schadenfreude: Unfortunately, Michigan is featured prominently. "AAAARGHBBLGGOG" is pretty much the only justifiable response to any of that. I'd be careful of awarding Alabama anything though, even if it is the "Tears of Unfathomable Sadness" or the "Scott Tenorman of the Week." Alabama fans everywhere are now trying to cobble together these two designations into a justification for claiming their 37478th national championship. WOOOOO SCHADENFREUDE NATIONAL CHAMPS ROLL TAHD ROLL!

More? Leach swingin' that sword in the general direction of Oxford, MS...please let this happen/get him back in college football somewhere. 11W on the evil that is ESPN vis-a-vis realignment. Arkansas State is #1...in attendance-related incentives. RR back to the Bayou? I'd like to think he can snag a better job than that but who knows how bullish the college football market is on him right now. Grantland piece on the PSU scandal and the disillusionment of the fan.

HTR's Top 25: Week 11

After Michigan lost in frustrating fashion yet again (at least this year's losses look "better" than last year's? PROGRESS), I sort of shut it down until the Game of the Century of the Week of the Day of the Primetime Slot...so, certain impressions should be taken with a grain of salt. While the aforementioned inspired a wide range of opinions, ranging from "THAT'S JUST GOOD OLD FASHIONED FOOTBAW" to "this is about as unpleasant as dubstep*," takeaway numero uno of course comes from the mad genius that is LSUFreek (HT: EDSBS):

If you were one of the two people to not to watch this game, this is about as brilliant a recap as you'll find.

*FWIW, I think it's somewhere in between, as are most things pincered by two competing axes of irrational hyperbole.

Rank	Team
1	LSU
2	Oklahoma State
3	Alabama
4	Stanford
5	Boise State
6	Oklahoma
7	Oregon
8	Arkansas
9	Clemson
10	Virginia Tech
11	Penn State
12	USC
13	South Carolina
14	Michigan State
15	Wisconsin
16	Georgia
17	Texas
18	Kansas State
19	Georgia Tech
20	Houston
21	Nebraska
22	Michigan
23	Southern Miss
24	Baylor
25	Auburn

• The Big Ten continued to live by the motto "A Commitment to Derpcellence"...nothing new here. Nebraska and Michigan both lost to horrible teams and Ohio State and Michigan State both struggled against Indiana and Minnesota respectively. The Big Ten has turned into the melting pot of bubbling mediocrity that is the ACC/Big East. Sadly, Michigan probably officially derped away its potential ticket to Lucas Oil this weekend unless some ridiculous things happen. 
• LSU-Alabama...that happened. I won't say that it was a completely unentertaining game because it wasn't, but it wasn't the paragon of football excellence that many folks below the Mason-Dixon line are hailing it to be. Alabama's position ahead of Stanford is the definition of temporary, as the latter will have their chance to move up in the coming weeks. 
• Georgia continues to chug along under the radar...despite having no tailbacks, they dismantled NMSU (as they should have), with the hedges posing a more significant danger to Bulldog players than NMSU defenders did. Assuming they make it to Atlanta (I'm very bearish on South Carolina), I don't think they really have a shot at beating LSU but I wouldn't be surprised if they kept it close. That defense is good enough to keep LSU's not very flashy offense in check enough to keep it interesting. We'll see. 
• Man is Oklahoma State fun to watch but that defense is just horrid. This is the #2 team in the nation? Goodness. They've got two IT'S A TRAP type games coming up in Lubbock and Ames before Bedlam and a Broyles-less Oklahoma. An LSU-Oklahoma State title game would provide some interesting immovable object vs. unstoppable force storylines...right up until the game is actually played,  when LSU would likely throttle them. Of course, the next few weeks will inevitably render this prediction moot. 
• Southern Miss, Baylor, Auburn...yes, I was certainly making things up at that point. 
• Dear Michigan: please officially make this year not last year by winning in Champaign. Also, oddsmakers, please don't make Michigan a favorite. These are my humble requests. 

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

(HT: @NicolasLeroi)

Michigan 16, Iowa 24

At a certain point in the game, my worldview shifted from one defined by wins and losses to one of practical improvements, of an intellectual inching forward toward something that could be deemed ideal or even not entirely objectionable. It's hard to be mad when you've seen this story over and over again; if you're surprised by the ending then you should probably pay a little closer attention. This is what Michigan has done for years. In the interest of putting a name to it, we'll simply call this the Ben Chappell Theorem; that is, that if Michigan plays a team with multiple glaring weaknesses/an air of general incompetency that has already failed in the face of the opposition of other inferior teams, then, it must necessarily follow, that not only will Michigan not exploit those weaknesses (or what are ostensibly weaknesses, i.e. Michigan State's offensive line) effectively (usually not for lack of some trying, though), they will make certain players look like All-Americans in the process. An enormous shadow of a mouse becomes something much worse in the shifting tectonic plates of light and dark. Just as Michigan made former Indiana QB Ben Chappell look like the greatest thing ever on one afternoon, Michigan continues to make the mediocre look exceptional.

Unfortunately, as nondescript as Iowa football is this year save for a battering ram of a tailback and a receiver with a certain NFL future, it seems that Michigan is probably just as mediocre. Yet, how could we lose to a team that just lost to Minnesota? How could we muster up less yards against Iowa's decidedly mediocre, surprisingly untalented defense than almost every one of Iowa's previous opponents?

Although I figured this would be a loss before the season, I also thought Iowa would've been somewhat decent. There are really no excuses here. At the same time, maybe it's my fault for forgetting about the Chappell Theorem, just like those who touted State's porous offensive line while forgetting that we ourselves boasted a depth-less line with very little high end talent. You could say it's a battle of preconceived notions and reality, a reality which is mostly composed of Big Ten unexceptionalism and crippling mediocrity. We are what we are, which is mostly just as bad as everybody else. If you're expecting a win against Illinois because we are better and this is how things should normally go, you are setting yourself up for failure pursuant to every single clause of the Chappell Theorem.

Even worse than who we lost to and how we lost is the fact that this was a classic Lloyd era loss. We fell behind by two scores then went into "OH CRAP IT'S SHOTGUN TIME" mode, only to advance enough to be able to fall three yards short. We've heard this story before.

The Offense 

I mean, honestly. Michigan had some success in the first half on the ground, with Fitz Toussaint bouncing left and right and bursting through holes such with grace and skill that my little sister made a Mike Hart comparison without even being at all aware of the Fred Jackson hyperbole meme (so, that was a proud moment). Overall, though, Fitz only finished with 58 yards on 16 carries, with most of the yardage coming in the first half. After that it was a series of 0 and 1-yard runs until he was eventually knocked out of the game. It seems that Michigan probably did some sort of work on the power game during the last two weeks of practice in an attempt to "normalize" the offense, and it worked in the first half mostly because Iowa's defensive line is not very big and our line was able to push somebody around for once. However, being predictable eventually nullifies that advantage, and we were predictable.

For the second time in a row, Michigan has gone on the road and Al Borges seemingly has forgotten how to call plays. I'm not quite at the point where saying that "Al Borges: Denard Robinson::Jim Tressel: Terrelle Pryor" but I'm getting close. I get that he's not a spread guy, but I thought we were past the under center experiment? I'm sure it was kind of cool for Borges and Hoke to be able to look like a real BIG TEN OFFENSE in the first half (while putting up 7 points), but man it just seemed like a sham the entire time. This is just not who we are and I don't really understand why Al keeps trying it.

There were problems with the playcalling to be sure...I still don't understand Borges's aversion to the bubble screen, and I don't really remember too many screens in general. The dual-QB set probably needs to die. If getting Gardner snaps comes at the expense of offensive continuity, or makes a winnable game less winnable by any order of magnitude, then he should not be playing. I think Devin is going to be a good player once Denard is gone, but he showed once again that he really isn't doing anything that much better than Denard is, which is worse than it sounds considering that they're both, for all intents and purposes, first year players in this kaleidoscopic invertebrate of an offense.

While there are many things to complain about, a few nice things did happen. On Michigan's first touchdown drive, Denard was doing things like going through progressions and checking down, which, you're darn right that's an improvement. It's pretty bad that your junior starting quarterback is just starting to acquire these skills but this is where we are. Even though Denard went a pretty bad 18/38, a decent number of the incompletions were either drops or hopeless long balls that shouldn't have been thrown in the first place. A good amount of the time that Denard wasn't throwing the ball right at a defensive end's hands or out of bounds 40+ yards down the field, he was looking confident and throwing a decent ball, just like last week against Purdue. Of course, this only happened when Michigan picked up the pace in the comeback effort, getting in the 'gun and running play after play while giving the Iowa defense very little time to rest, and...wait a second. This sounds familiar.

I'm not giving up on Al quite yet; while his move from Auburn to SDSU should've been (and is) somewhat of a red flag, I still believe that he knows enough about offense, generally, that we at the very least won't look like this once we have the types of players in there that the staff is looking for. The worry still exists that this offensive attack is nothing more than an amalgamation of plays rather than an offense, but the only other options (running the RR spread or a straight up plodding I-form based run game), are, well, non-options for obvious reasons.

With that said, while Al has failed to get Michigan going in the last two road efforts, some onus has to fall on the players. As for the last drive, I've though about it and while I was initially upset that Al didn't do this or that, in the end what he did do should have probably worked. It just didn't, and that's just a testament to the fact that even a well-laid plan can be ground to powder by the machinations of reality. The Michigan timeout before Iowa's second to last punt came back to bit us hard in this situation, as we still would have had one in hand, probably changing our entire approach to that set of downs. But, with no timeouts, a limited amount of time left, and a quarterback that often holds onto the ball way too long in the face of a rush (in a situation where a sack=death), the way Borges called it is somewhat understandable. Vanilla, maybe, but one of those attempts should have resulted in a score.

On first and goal, Denard completely misfired on that short-ish fade to Hemingway; given how lost Micah Hyde looked on the next play, if Denard had, you know, not thrown it clear out of the end zone, I'd say that Hemingway stood a good chance of reeling in the TD right then and there. But, Denard being Denard, he throw it out of the end zone and the fact that Hyde looked like he was completely lost in the woods was not taken advantage of.

On second and goal, we know what happened...again, if Denard throws this one just a little bit better, Hemingway doesn't need to make a highlight reel play and we have a shot to tie. He didn't but Hemingway still brought it in...until it was ruled incomplete. The fact that MSU's Hail Mary against Wisconsin is a TD but this wasn't...I just don't know anymore. Indisputable video evidence is often an impossibility at times and an enabler of unadulterated referee pussyfooting. Was it a catch? I hate to say it, but it was not, although I'd love for someone to tell me otherwise. In the flow of the game, though, it was understandably pretty easy to coerce yourself into believing that the ball did not in fact hit the white.

On third and goal, Denard masterfully avoided a completely unblocked blitzer coming up the middle to launch a pass to a diving Vincent Smith. It would have been a difficult play to make for Smith, but it was there and he simply didn't make it. There's nothing else to say.

It was fourth and goal, and, being the last play of the game, you could argue that a run would have been warranted (the timeout called after the Roundtree reception essentially eliminated the choice on first through third down). Honestly, would it have been a lower percentage play than a pass (if any lower at all)? Of course, we passed and Roundtree was mauled by B.J. Lowery in what was not the first uncalled pass interference of the game. The slant was there and it's a fairly high percentage play...I can't really fault any of these calls in and of themselves. In a vacuum, each one was fine, especially if any of them would have worked. You can say that we should've rolled Denard out but that risks taking a sack and/or running off enough clock to eliminate an opportunity. Fourth and goal was really the only time you could call it a running play, but let's be honest, Al wasn't going to do that.

It was an old school Michigan offensive effort in a loss...unimaginative and flailingly effective in a just short last ditch effort. For a team being led by a coordinator that "knows offense" and has spiced things up with 2-QB formations, Michigan was predictable and unimaginative when it mattered, just like the old days. Al going into full on "watch these four verts bro" mode on the last drive leading up to the last four plays didn't exactly help the situation. Iowa's defense practically inherently gives up free completions/large chunks of yardage...when was the last time Denard completed a deep ball that wasn't a jump ball?

The Defense


For all the defense's flaws, a rational person just can't be mad at it. The defense is like a puppy that has rolled around in the mud and then proceeded to jump all over you and your white shirt...OH PUPPY DEFENSE I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU. Although, there's something to be said (something bad) about a defense that calls to mind the image of an adorable puppy. So, there's that.

In all seriousness, Iowa's offense was who we thought they were: a team with a Dollar Tree version of Beanie Wells--by no means an insult--paired with a strong-armed quarterback capable of making you pay and a pretty good receiver in McNutt. They didn't even have that middle-of-the-field-eviscerating tight end that they normally do.

At the end of the day, giving up 24 points and only 302 total yards on the road is not bad at all. I can live with that, although the trend of Michigan coming out and looking like a complete sieve on the first drive continues. Plays were made, and perhaps the only significant knock was the inability to force a turnover, which Michigan has relied on for sustenance all year. I can't even get mad about Coker's performance against our front...it was kind of expected. Coker carried the ball 29 times for 132 yards at 4.6 ypc. That's not encouraging or anything--particularly in light of our complete inability to bring him down for no gain despite multiple defenders being draped all over him--but it's not terrible.

Martin, RVB, and Roh came through on several occasions with much-needed TFLs. Heck, even Will Heininger got in there and made a play. It's safe to say that Iowa's line isn't exactly great, but it's still nice to see Martin and Co. knifing through the line and making plays.

As we already know, the depth just isn't there (and, needless to say, is overall quality of talent), and, paired with young and slow linebackers, that's just asking to get gashed. Michigan better get used to it, because there are the next three teams we face will look to run the ball again and again and again. Scheelhaase and Ford next week, then it's Martinez and Burkhead, then it's OSU's stable of talented, capable backs...it doesn't get easier.

Back to the linebackers...they are slow. That play on the first drive where Demens pulled up like he got hurt underscored a severe lack of speed and athleticism on his part, a fact only made more apparent after watching the LSU-Alabama defensive slugfest. Even Morgan, who is a clear upgrade over Hawthorne, and Ryan, who has shown some promise, just don't have enough speed to get to the ball at times. It is what it is. We just sort of have to ride with them until the incoming class of linebackers makes their way into the system.

Am I missing something or did Thomas Gordon not even play at all? I understand Woolfolk being on the field (he did a solid job moonlighting as a safety in '09) but did he really deserve to completely usurp the position from him? Unless Gordon was injured and Hoke wasn't saying anything (entirely possible) then I think the answer is no. Other than that, Countess continues to make the case that he's our best cover corner. So, that's nice.

Also, the 3rd & 1 stops on Iowa's last two drives were things of beauty. That is all.

Special Teams 


Gibbons?

Despite making his one field goal, the haunting pall of mediocrity looming over everything precludes me from anything representing happiness (e.g. dancing Swanson). Maybe next week. Oh, and there's the botched XP, which didn't really end up mattering because Michigan couldn't score at the end, but was still pretty bad.

Otherwise, Hagerup booted 5 for a total of 197 yards and an average of 39.4 per...he did have a long of 49 but that average is not very good. Hagerup reverting to his old form would be nice, as the defense will take any extra bit of help it can get in the coming weeks. Rounding out the special teams, Michigan defended returns pretty well and the return game the other way continues to not turn the ball over. Odoms did have a nice kick return for the second week in a row that I felt could have almost gone for much more.

Despite a couple slightly better than average returns, Stonum's return next year will provide an enormous boost on kick returns (not to mention his obvious effect on the offense)...I feel like I say this every week.

Miscellaneous Minutiae

• Speaking of Odoms...he finally caught his first pass of the season on Michigan's last drive, a clutch catch and run for 13 yards on 3rd and 10. So, even though this year probably hasn't turned out like he might've wanted, there is that. Good for him. 

• Apparently Delonte Hollowell got in the game f.or the first time this year, notching 1 total tackle. I don't remember when this happened, but it did. I wonder what the motivation for burning his redshirt at this point in the year might be. 

• Personal foul on Lewan...come on, man. 

• Understatement alert, but I wish Denard had the sense to know when he should run. I understand the cognitive dissonance of telling a guy "be patient" but also "RUN RUN RUN LIKE YOU'VE NEVER RUN BEFORE" (which is often), but the fact remains that he's still not taking off when it's there, just like last year. It's consistently taking what should be a gain of some amount of yards and turning it into an incompletion, a sack, or a turnover. But, this is what you get when you take an already raw player and make him start all over again. 

• Just like the State game, Michigan was right there despite looking like garbage for much of the game. The fumble (which led to an Iowa field goal) and the soul-crushing interception in the red zone could very well be the difference in the game. That, and a few questionable pass interference no-calls pushed the win Iowa's way. It always sounds so sour grapesy to complain about the refs, but come on. That last play was a pass interference, period, and to say "oh well we just didn't do enough to win blah blah blah" and entertain notions of "deserving" to win is dumb. The refs did have a negative effect on the outcome of the game. Should Michigan have just not played horrible football and won anyway? Yeah, sure, but a team shouldn't have to overcome the refs to do so, especially when two teams are so evenly matched...I've never really understood the whole "the refs don't matter just play" argument as anything other than a convenient coping mechanism for fans who don't want to think about how their team was just obviously jobbed.  

• As Brian pointed out on Twitter, Michigan put up less yards against Iowa than this list of glorious champions of football prowess: Minnesota, Indiana, Northwestern, Penn State, Pitt, Iowa State, and Louisiana-Monroe. I am now truly sad having typed that. 

• The 2-QB system needs to stop, starting this Saturday at Illinois. Gardner is not ready; here's to a great offseason for him and we'll try this thing again next year. As for now, Denard is and should be the guy. When put in the right position, he's proven that he can throw the ball well enough to lead a functioning offense. If they're going to keep doing this, Gardner needs to be on the field for entire drives, not a play here and there. 

• I'm always hesitant when it comes to saying anything negative about Denard, particularly regarding his speed, but...yeah. He's definitely slower this year. Part of it is definitely the offense, which has him hesitating with the ball in his hands when he'd simply just make people look like buoys floating in Lake Michigan in similar situations last season. I don't know if he's just banged up or if it's the added weight or what, but there's a noticeable difference. 

• FWIW, Denard moved into 9th place on Michigan's all-time leading rushers list. 

Who Are You and Why Do We Care?: Iowa Hawkeyes

First of all, apologies for no post last week. Who knew that being a high school math teacher in the inner-city would include twelve hour days followed by three hour meetings?

Is there a rivalry here?
Michigan has been playing Iowa since 1900, but in 56 meetings, Michigan has a 40-12-4 record. Although the match up has been back and forth over the past decade, historically there is not a rivalry.

So who is their biggest rival?
Iowa is one of the few Big 10 teams whose biggest rival is not in the Big 10. Their rivalry with Iowa State is so fierce that they had to bring in a Corn Mascot to keep the peace. They also created the worst trophy in the history of trophies for the winner.

When did we see them last?
Michigan was very slow to start and Iowa took a 28-7 lead. In the third quarter, Denard Robinson got injured and did not return to the game. After going down 35-14 after three touchdown passes from Ricky Stanzi, Tate Forcier entered the game and lead Michigan's comeback. Tate made the game interesting with a touchdown pass to Junior Hemingway followed by a three yard rushing TD. It was all for nothing as Michigan out-gained Iowa 522-383, but Tate and Denard combined for three interceptions and Vincent Smith fumbled, and Iowa came away with a 38-28 win.

When did we last win?
In the midst of the 2006 undefeated streak, the Hawkeyes entered the Big House with a 5-2 record. Lloyd Carr decided to give the ball to Mike Hart early and often. Hart ended the game with 31 carries for 126 yards and two touchdowns. (Can you even imagine a Michigan running back getting 30 carries now?!) Those two touchdowns plus two field goals from Garrett Rivas gave Michigan more than enough points to come away with the 20-6 victory.

What do they look like?
The Pittsburgh Steelers. Compare. In 1979, Hayden Fry (Iowa's Head Coach) wanted to have his team dress like champions so they would play like champions. He gained permission from the Pittsburgh Steelers to use their uniform design, and Iowa has worn them since. Supposedly they wore this monstrosity in 1995.

Do they have good coaches?
When Hayden Fry retired in 1998, Iowa needed their first new Head Coach in ten years. Then University of Iowa President, Mary Sue Coleman, hired Kirk Ferentz for the job. Ferentz played linebacker at the University of Connecticut, and went straight into coaching. He was an Offensive Line Coach in the NFL for both the Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens from 1993 to 1998. As Head Coach of the Hawkeyes he has a 94-63 record, lead the team to Conference Championships in 2002 and 2004, and is currently in the midst of a three year bowl win streak.

Have they won a National or Big Ten Championship?
The Hawkeyes were National Champions in 1958 with a 8-1-1 record and a Rose Bowl victory. They have won 11 Big Ten Championships including five since Hayden Fry took over as Head Coach in 1978.

Where do they play?
In 1929, the University of Iowa opened Iowa Stadium, which has since been renamed Kinnick Stadium. Kinnick Stadium is named after Nile Kinnick, the only Heisman Trophy winner in Iowa history. The most interesting thing about their stadium is the away team locker room, which is pink. Very pink.

Do they have a goofy mascot?
Herky the Hawk was created in 1948, and started appearing at football games in 1959. Although Iowa has had the same uniform since 1979, Herky has never worn it. He wears a shirt with an I on it, yet has the team's football pants and a helmet.

This is not your average Iowa Hawkeyes team. Usually, a team based on defense, the Hawkeyes are now the worst in the Big Ten against the pass. Last week they made Marquis Gray look like he is actually a Quarterback. If Gray can throw, that means Denard will be able to. Mattison will break out ridiculous blitz packages to mess with the immobile Vandenberg. Prediction based on everything but football: Michigan 35 - Iowa 21.

We Hardly Knew You, 11/2/2011

Another Saturday has come and gone. A brief snow flurry fell as I watched Gameday Saturday morning...mansome. It's Big Ten football time, for real y'all. It feels so strange not being in Ann Arbor for all of this after spending four years there, each week recovering from the last only to build up steadily each day until it became Saturday again and everything was good. Even when things weren't good, they were something. Thankfully, I will be making it out for the Nebraska game, so it'll only be a few more weeks of this "not being in the Big House" nonsense.

(HT: Mike DeSimone)

Goodbye: This is already old news at this point, but Carvin Johnson is the latest Wolverine to leave the program. Of course, once you get past the fact that this is a not insignificant dent to Michigan's depth in the secondary, it hurts to lose a guy like this for many other reasons.

An average Michigan recruiting class normally features a five-star or two (sometimes more), a veritable army of four-stars, and a smattering of three-stars boasting offer lists that seem to dispel their lukewarm recruiting rankings. You'll see an elite quarterback, monstrous offensive and defensive tackles, and defensive backs with a propensity to cover large swathes of turf with speed, agility, and courage.

Then you have the rest. It's hard not to become attached to players like these, players who were specifically elected, plucked from the enormous faceless mass of anonymous three-stars because they sparked some interest in somebody along the way. That's nothing to scoff at. The domain of the three-star is not that different from that of the working world at large; that is, the sheer number of people in existence makes it difficult to differentiate one's self from others, to make one's self noticed, appreciated, seen. In college football recruiting, there are infinitely more three-star and below prospects than there are four and five-star guys (this is obvious and follows logically--ultimately very few are cut out for college football), and it's difficult to get noticed by the elites.

I wish he had stayed, but, in the end, these are the guys you root for even when they're gone, simply for the fact that they keep an idealized notion of hope afloat. The idea that simply getting noticed is even a possibility should be reassuring to us all.

Three and Out: I received my copy of "Three and Out" last Thursday and, after tearing through it in the span of 24 fevered hours, was intent on writing a big ol' depressing post about it full of outrage and hand-wringing. After letting some of the book's more ignominious revelations settle in my mind for a while, I decided not to for the simple fact that: a) it's been talked about ad nauseam and b) it's incredibly depressing. With that said, if you haven't read it you probably should go do that. A few impressions ranging from the general to the specific to the inane (this is completely off the cuff...I know there will be many things I'm either forgetting to mention or lack the ability to adequately confront):

• Obvious statement of the century, but man did RR git a raw deal from the word go. He made his mistakes, but he just didn't have a chance. Eric Mayes's comments pretty much sum up what RR was up against and represent some of the far from rosy underbelly of the institution of Michigan football. The most frustrating part of the book is realizing how much RR actually did understand many Michigan traditions, going all the way back to his early coaching days. I just wish he was more able to articulate what he did know to the media, in addition to knowing when to just stop talking and start coachspeaking. 
• As a piece of writing, this book is awesome from start to finish. The survey of college football history and the development of athletic departments, the relationships between ADs and college presidents, the evolution of offenses, all the way up to the biographical bits about RR's upbringing and early pursuit of a career in coaching, were consistently captivating, even if you already know about most of these things. 
• As grim as much of the book was, something about a grown man saying--profanity ahead--"FUCK ME" was admittedly kind of funny (after watching "Fargo" the other night I guess I'm in a dark comedy sort of mood). Obviously, the circumstances were not funny at any point, but the aforementioned is something I imagine a 15 year-old on a Mountain Dew and Halo bender saying. Although the depiction of RR's cursing and object tossing wasn't flattering, it was real and most of all familiar. 
• Similarly, Rod Smith's "Suck it, Notre Dame" line...GOLD. 
• I mentioned last week that I would be reluctant to view things in any sort of black and white sense despite whatever disappointments I'd find in the book. While I'm still dedicated to that notion, it's hard not to lose a little respect for, yes, Lloyd Carr. 
• Despite RR's treatment, it becomes quite obvious (if it wasn't clear already) that the players were the biggest victims throughout this entire nightmare. Bacon's descriptions of what the players had to go through on a daily basis--as a result of the ongoing drama in addition to the day-to-day grind of life as a college football player--humanizes the whole shameful affair in a way that's unrelentingly heartbreaking. 
• The last line of the book was perfect and yet so painfully succinct that you wish it would just swallow up every page that preceded it. I remember my unbridled excitement about what was to come in the moments leading up to kickoff of the Utah game; it seems to have happened so long ago that I'm not sure it was ever real. 

Glazed, No Sprinkles: Transitioning to less depressing topics, this week's edition of Inside Michigan Football promises its usual buffet of fluff that doesn't give you anything new or useful to think about (but you still love it anyway). Hoke talked about this and that and other things, but the only reason I'm linking this is to note that he mentions a liking for glazed donuts but not the sprinkled kind. Once again, Hoke proves that he gets it. Sprinkles are most certainly the flashy, substance-less dressings of a donut lacking in fundamental toughness. A man who likes sprinkles is not a man I want to know.

Also, there's an awkward exchange about Halloween costumes at the end, punctuated by Hoke hilariously saying: "I just don't know, Jim."

Minnesota In Ur Base, Outscheming Ur D00ds: Black Heart Gold Pants has a great rundown of what exactly went wrong last Saturday against a horrible, horrible Minnesota team. I highly doubt we'll be basing our gameplan on what Minnesota did given that we, you know, actually have some amount of defensive talent to work with, but it's an interesting read nonetheless. If Minnesota DC Tracy Claeys can figure it out, I have faith that Mattison will be just fine.

The Gophers went with the "wide nine" for much of the game, which is now in vogue in the professional ranks and has replaced the Wildcat as the gimmicky deviation from the monotony of sterile manball the NFL espouses that is inevitably mentioned a million times per broadcast involving a team using these philosophies. To a certain extent it kind of worked for the Gophers. Sure, Coker made a killing on the ground, racking up 252 yards; at the end of the day, though, the Gophers only gave up 21 points, which is pretty miraculous given Minnesota's defensive incompetence against everybody save USC. BHGP writes:

It certainly seemed like Minnesota was copying the recently popular NFL concept of setting their ends up in the so-called "wide nine" stance, as in outside the tight ends. And unlike NFL teams, who prefer this look solely on passing downs, it certainly seemed like Minnesota went with this look all the time. Why go this route? Here's a good article on the concept, but the basic idea seems to be to pressure the quarterback. And Vandenberg did seem to face pressure all day, even when Minnesota didn't have an explicit blitz call on.  It's hard to say if that was due to the alignment of the ends and how much was due to a mediocre day by the Iowa offensive line, but whatever it was, it worked. 

Again, there's no way Michigan goes with this extreme of a game plan on defense, but it's worth considering. Despite the outcome of the game, Iowa will provide a serious challenge this defense; Vandenberg is a capable, strong-armed quarterback, and, paired with a pretty good back in Coker and an NFL quality receiver in McNutt, nothing but our best effort will do. Iowa's offensive line isn't really anything to write home about, and I don't see the more straight ahead stuff being a major threat barring any obscene displays of horrible tackling. As usual, controlling the edge will be crucial because the Hawkeyes do like them some stretch plays. If Michigan can duplicate the relatively solid edge-consciousness they displayed against Purdue then that should go a long way toward shutting down the run and giving Mattison free rein to blitz the heck out of Vandenberg and a leaky OL.

McGary Watch: If you haven't heard, tomorrow is the day that Mitch McGary, coveted 5-star big man, announces his decision tomorrow. Everybody who's anybody is saying that he's a lock for Michigan, which, if true then WOOOOOO. Nick Baumgardner of AnnArbor.com talks about the implications of a McGary commitment:

If Brewster Academy mega-recruit Mitch McGary puts on a Michigan basketball hat Thursday, he instantly changes John Beilein's program.

The Wolverines' 2012 recruiting class suddenly shoots up the national rankings and Beilein gets a 6-foot-10, 250-pound power forward with seemingly limitless potential to add to his already promising roster for next season.

 The article even includes a LaVell Blanchard name drop, with recruiting analyst Dave Telep noting that McGary would be Michigan's highest-rated recruit since Michigan landed Blanchard way back in 1999. That shouldn't be surprising at all (see Amaker, Tommy and Ellerbe, Brian) and yet it is. Blanchard was my favorite player as a younger fan (I was in middle school when he played) and the only basketball jersey I currently own is a blue Michigan #30, a cherished relic from a frustrating era.

With McGary ostensibly (knock on wood) joining the program, I think it's safe to say that this sleeping giant is starting to wake up. And to think that people wanted Beilein and his "gimmick" philosophies on offense and defense gone at one point--ah, the virtues of patience. Michigan hit a home run the day they hired Beilein, and that investment is finally starting to bear fruit.

More? Adam Jacobi's "Keys to the Game" for this Saturday...I'm pretty confident that we'll win but for some reason I'm getting some strong 2009 Illinois-esque vibes. HOLD ME. Joe Pa insistent on keeping the 2-QB system alive...Penn State's QB situation takes the old "if you've got two quarterbacks then you've got none" saying and derpifies it even more than would normally be the case. As WVU lawyers up, new Big 12 puppet commissioner Chuck Neinas says "Hey guys, see y'all next year!" Former Alabama and LSU stars now in the NFL weigh in on the game of the year, with each player shockingly siding with his alma mater. Georgia taking a page from the Iowan reality known as "not having any running backs ever due to various circumstances/having to deploy a guy named Paki O'Meara for a non-zero number of plays"...thankfully for UGA, they get New Mexico State this week. The WSJ on Bama-LSU.