Miscellaneous Minutiae, 4/23/2012

VT Recruiters Channel Their Inner Hoke: Yes, I realize that there was a plethora of pun-tastic opportunity there but I passed...pretty sure I should be commended for that. Anyway, this past weekend the Hokies pulled in six commitments, reminiscent of Michigan's commitapalooza earlier this year. The Key Play summarizes all you need to know about this great bounty in gif form. Trust me, it's worth clicking through (a hint: Frank Beamer+Mike London=wrasslin' smackdown).

An aside, but after the Sugar Bowl I will be rooting for the Hokies (unless it negatively impacts Michigan, of course, which it probably won't). Great, loud fans--and considering my ongoing frustration with Michigan fans regarding the loudness point, is particularly laudable--and most importantly, exceedingly nice. I walked with a group of them on the way to the Superdome, talking about the coming game and HOW DO YOU GET TO THE SUPERDOME AHH WHERE ARE WE. Like Nebraska fans, they were all generally very pleasant, and given the location of the bowl game, there was essentially every opportunity in the world to be unpleasant.

No matter which colors you wear on Saturdays, the Danny Coale catch/no catch was an unfortunate way to end a hard-fought--albeit aesthetically, um, unappealing--football game. It will be fun watching Logan Thomas run over people not wearing maize and blue this fall.

Clearly An Omen: An Ypsilanti resident threw out the first pitch before Phil Humber of my Chicago White Sox--that's right Tiger fans, we are going to be division competitors for greater than 0.0 days this season--threw the 21st perfect game in MLB history. Now, the odds of an Ypsilanti man throwing out the first pitch before a perfect game thrown in Seattle by a pitcher from the Chicago White Sox seems a bit low. Therefore, it stands to reason via an enormous leap of logic that 2012 will, in fact be...

THE YEAR OF THE PROCESS. EMU football is going 12-0 in 2012, and you heard it here first.

In "the NFL is stupid" news: Apparently, NFL scouts have discovered that, gasp, RGIII has supposed character issues. This might come as somewhat of a surprise, but I actually agree with said scouts.

RGIII's 2011 season proves that he is, in fact, a selfish guy because he scored ALL THE TOUCHDOWNS  last year and wouldn't even share them with anybody else. He scored 38 total touchdowns in 2011, which I'm pretty sure accounted for at least 75% of all touchdowns scored. How dare he not purposely sabotage a few possessions per game in order to give the most glorious and important player on the team--the field goal kicker--the chance to shine. He's clearly not ready for life in the NATIONAL. FOOTBALL. LEAGUE.

In any case, the NFL's amusing penchant for retroactively applying the dreaded "character issues" label on players is kind of like a derpier version of A Beautiful Mind in which NFL scouts attempt see things that aren't actually actually there.

Battle of WDEvermore: Pointless Zeppelin nod aside, the battle for the WDE position between Frank Clark and Brennen Beyer rages on, and it just might be most interesting position going forward and into the actual season. The same critiques continue to apply from Mattison. On Beyer:

"Beyer is a very strong football player and can run," Mattison said. "What Beyer has to work on a great deal is he gets a habit of getting high. He’s got to stay lower. Then he’s going to be a real force, I think." 

On Clark:

"(Clark) wants to run to make plays before he beats the block, at times," Mattison said. "He needs to take some of what Beyer does, and Beyer needs to take some of what he does." 

I hereby commission any and all UM geneticists to fashion this super WDE Brenk Cleyer. Reward: approximately one million Schrute bucks and one really great pass rushing end.

Spring game caveat goes here, but from what I recall Beyer wasn't making any pass rushing headway when up against Lewan, which probably doesn't mean anything because: a) spring game and b) Lewan is one of the best left tackles out there. Whether they're lined up against DJ Fluker or Cyrus Kouandjio on September 1st, Michigan will need these two to make some plays when McCarron drops back or it will be very difficult to come away with a victory.

Dave Brandon is terrible and a big meanie too: As you may have heard, Dave Brandon is the worst. The recent news is disturbing and only further demonstrates the fact that DB does not get it or Michigan, which is strange given the fact that he once kind of played for Bo. Yes, the recent news has without a doubt shaken me as it has you. First, the news itself:

University of Michigan director of athletics Dave Brandon announced Friday (April 20) the hiring of Kim Barnes Arico as the ninth head coach in the 40-year history of the Wolverines women's basketball program. The New York native joins the Michigan family after spending the past 10 seasons as the St. John's University women's coach. She will be formally introduced at a press conference Monday (April 23) at 12:30 p.m.

That's right, folks. I can hardly believe it either. Dave Brandon has hired a Big East (Wo)Man to coach Michigan. This is something for which Bo would have never stood. What's the word for this? Oh, yeah: UNACCEPTABLE.

In all seriousness, this sounds like a great hire for the WBB program.

More? The BCS times they are 'a changin'? Arkansas AD Jeff Long is about to hire a coffee and breakfast food chain as its new head football coach according to Barnhart (UPDATE: John L. Smith is your new interim HC...this is real). Based on trailers alone, I'm not sure which of these things is worse.