Miscellaneous Minutiae, 11/20/12

This is the first one of these in a while. With school winding down for the Thanksgiving break, I should be able to get a few things up this week leading up to The Game. 

60 Minutes piece. In case you missed it (and you probably didn't), Michigan was featured prominently Sunday in a 60 Minutes spot on the state of college football. Nothing "new" was presented --yes, college football has always been about the money, even when it supposedly wasn't-- but it was interesting to see Michigan chosen as one of two representatives of the industry of collegiate athletics:


I would be lying if I didn't say that, on the heels of Saturday's smashing victory, that the part of the brain that sends out neurotransmitters telling you to be SO PROUD weren't firing as I watched Michigan run out under the banner, Kovacs make a Kovacsy tackle on the edge and the Big House crowd going wild. I honestly have not delved too much into the reaction to the piece, but I imagine there was some hemming and hawing about Dave Brandon saying the things that Dave Brandon is wont to say.

All I'll say is this: I have been generally supportive of Brandon, and plan on being so until something truly egregious happens. No, uniform experimentation, Legends patches and all the other mildly annoying but decidedly ancillary things that Brandon has engineered do not fall under this umbrella. My only criticism is his point that playing games in places like Dallas generates fan interest for games at home. Even I, the endangered species that is the DB supporter, cannot get behind this byzantine logic.

Again, this is nothing new, but it's hard not to feel a little bit queasy (okay, a lot queasy) at the mere notion of what college football actually is, outside of the boundaries of standard platitudes about the mythical student-athlete and all the other things that we like to think exist but don't. Unfortunately, Pandora is out of the box, and it's not going back in.

Speaking of the industry...via Kyle Meinke, Brady Hoke has dropped down to the 12th highest paid coach in college football, down from 8th. He is "only" making $3,046,120, down a couple of hundred thousand from last season. During the 60 Minutes piece last night, Nick Saban was asked whether or not he is "worth it" (re: his ridiculous salary).

Saban self-deprecatingly answered "probably not." I wonder what Hoke's response would be? "Wellll there's no question that cheese pizza is the best food that you have and in no way should chicken come into the equation and those great kids in the Michigan community that eat that pizza know what the tradition of cheese pizza means to this university and the fans and past eaters of cheese pizza." 

Obligatory expansion ire. So, Maryland and Rutgers. If anything in sports would inspire a lukewarm at best reaction, it would be this.

On the bright side, at least the Big Ten will finally tap into the college football haven that is New York City, where Rutgers University is in fact located. What's that? *Checks map.* Ah, I see.

This puts the conference at 14 teams, two away from attaining superconference status. If these acquisitions confuse you, just wait until the Big Ten makes the now seemingly inevitable move to 16 teams.

GIFs, Ohio State edition. Just in case you needed reminding, Ohio State is our rival and we do dislike them to a certain extent. Here's a GIF of David Boston looking like he's in a game of Fight Night (via Eleven Warriors, HT mgoblog), from the tremendous time-space known as "1997":

Good, good. Let the hate flow through you.

Big Ten basketball is not terrible hey let's talk about it. I haven't gotten into the college basketball season yet in earnest due to time-related reasons, but here's a very brief roundup of the Big Ten's performance thus far to give you a vague outline of how things have played out:

• Michigan: 4-0. Best team in the history of organized sports. Will win every game by no fewer than 84 points. The Wolverines take the floor at the World's Most Famous Arena Wednesday night against Pitt. 

• Iowa: 4-0. Hasn't played anybody of note, but this is a team that could make some noise this year. Roy Devyn Marble and now sophomore Aaron White are averaging 15.5 and 14.8 ppg, respectively. 

• Indiana: 4-0. Like everyone else, they've taken care of business against a bunch of nobodies. They were tied with Georgia at the half last night but pulled out a 66-53 win. As expected, they can definitely fill it up (#1 in ppg as a team coming into last night's game). The question that lingers from last season is whether or not they can actually play defense. 

• Nebraska: 3-0. Good start for the Huskers under new HC Tim Miles. Did have a close 2-point victory against Valparaiso, which is at least a known mid-major brand. 

• Purdue: 1-3. Easily the biggest disappointment of the conference to date. This is not a vintage Matt Painter Purdue team to say the least. I'm not sure where the points will come from with this roster during life after Hummel/Lewis Jackson. The Boilers have losses to Bucknell, Villanova (in OT) and Oregon State to their name already. D.J. Byrd as your leading scorer with 11 ppg is fairly grim. 

• Ohio State: 3-0. Again, early season caveats, but the Buckeyes did beat Washington to win the Hall of Fame tourney, so that's something. The Buckeyes do have a date with Duke coming up on the 28th. 

• Wisconsin: 2-1. 2012 is the year that will prove once and for all whether or not Wisconsin can really Wisconsin around and somehow go .500+ in the Big Ten without really having a point guard. Swing offense, yeah! Anyway, the Badgers took a pretty ugly loss on the road at Florida in between blowouts of Southeastern Louisiana and Cornell. The Badgers take on a ranked Creighton team on the 23rd.  

• Penn State: 2-2. Lost to NC State by 17 (who just got destroyed by Oklahoma State) and got bludgeoned by Akron in Puerto Rico, 60-85. They do still have Tim Frazier, so hopefully he will continue to enjoy doing everything, all the time. 

• Illinois: 3-0. The John Groce era is off to a nice start, if you ignore the fact that the Illini had to battle back from a 16-point second half deficit to beat Hawaii in overtime, 78-77. 

• Michigan State: 2-1. The Spartans took a tough loss to UConn on the US Ramstein Air Base in Germany (Read that sentence again...welcome to sports in 2012!) The Spartans bounced back to knock off Kansas in their next game, though. 

• Northwestern: 3-0. Same song here: three games, three blowouts. The only currently ranked team left on Northwestern's non-conference schedule is #24 Baylor. Given the Wildcats' struggles in the conference schedule, anything less than 10-2 in the non-conference probably means another year without a tourney invite for Carmody's 'Cats. 

• Minnesota: 4-0. Four meaningless blowouts. They take on Duke on Thursday before traveling to Florida State on the 27th. Oh, also, Rodney Williams Jr. is shooting a ridiculous 73.5% from the field. 

So, there you have it. Nothing of note so far other than Purdue looking like it could be very, very bad this season. Michigan, Indiana and Ohio State are, as the rankings would indicate, the class of the conference, and Michigan State will of course be in the mix as well. Wisconsin is probably in for somewhat of a down year, but a tournament appearance should still be in the cards, as I'm sure they'll find a way to somehow win 10 Big Ten games.

More? DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK.  "On the latest Sports Retort, how do Big Ten traditionalists make peace with the new, less-pedigreed teams headed for their conference, which now includes miles of Atlantic coastline?" AHHHHH. "How does the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry compare with that of the Seattle Sounders and Portland Timbers?" AHHHHHHH. 

Apropos of nothing, the line for the Iron Bowl currently sits at 'Bama -31.5 (I probably didn't need to include the "Bama" part). Auburn fans, welcome to Michigan football circa 2008. 

BHGP on Saturday...I know that feel, man. 

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 3/8/2012

Things We Coulda Done: Our very own offensive coordinator appeared on the Huge Show, and although generic sports talk aspersions apply vis-a-vis Huge, this interview, and sports talk radio in general, there is one quote that, in this bleak stretch of the offseason, can be considered at least moderately interesting. When asked about whether or not there was anything that he would have possibly done differently:

Well I think from a schematic perspective we probably--you know early on we were still kinda testing the waters with how much under center play we would have and we knew that we wanted to do some of that because we wanted to feature some of our tailbacks a little more and take a little pressure off Denard...and I think that had we to do it over again we would've been a little more spread offense early on and gotten better at that.

He goes on to expand on that, using the appropriate word "weaning" to describe the process of slowly filtering out the I-form/under center/non-spread part of the offense in favor of the spread that Michigan had begun to perfect with Denard under RR. The point itself isn't necessarily that interesting but it is kind of cool to hear Al (or any coordinator at a high profile program) say that sort of thing out loud. The coaching business is one in which mistakes--or even talk/intimation of mistakes having been made at some point--are anathema, and so it's refreshing to see that he is humble enough to admit that he would've have even done anything differently at all.

Who knows what would have happened had Michigan not spent the first three quarters of the Notre Dame game uselessly plugging away under center. In an alternate universe where Michigan decided to spread 'n shred all game, that game likely doesn't turn out to be the exercise in coronary-inducing horribawesomeness that it was. Clearly, Borges realized that a combination of 75% derp, 25% DENARD is the perfect mixture if you want to produce a game for the ages; he is obviously some sort of alchemist and/or sorcerer. Don't ask him about bubble screens, though, because that stuff's basically his hemlock.

Also, in case you were wondering and didn't feel like listening till the end, there are not "Brady's Bunch" signs anywhere in the hallways of the Michigan coaching offices. So, there's that.

Dolla Dolla Bills Y'all: Are you a person with not very much money? Would you like to have more money? Well, you're in luck! As part of a 6-day "executive education program,"Dave Brandon, Brady Hoke, and John Beilein--and others, including softball coach Carol Hutchins--will be disseminating their leadership experience to the great unwashed masses. Perhaps after consuming the boundless business acumen of these figures, forged in the competitive fires of modern collegiate athletics, you can have more money than you currently have. Profit! Unfortunately for you, person with no money, this program will set you back approximately $15,000. Oh, there's always a catch.

This will of course spark the usual "DAVE BRANDON IS AN EVIL BUSINESSMAN ARGHHFHF" yelling match across the Michigan Internet, which is an argument that I am generally not too concerned with. It's not that that I don't care or think that everything Dave Brandon does is in the best interest of the maize and blue rather the green, it's that the only salient point here, in my opinion, is what Brady Hoke will say during said program. My idealistic expectations for what a Brady Hoke-led seminar on business and/or "how to get paid, son" does not include bland power point presentations, corporate buzzwords like synergy and leverage (although leverage may pop up under a very different context*), or other such empty theatrics. No, Brady Hoke's presentation would simply be him calling up each member of the audience, lining up before them and yelling "Set...HIT." Over and over again. That, and a brief message on the importance of brand marketing:

*PAD LEVEL HURRRRRRRRRR

Third Time's a Charm...OR IS IT?: As Big Ten tourney time is upon us, I got to thinking about Michigan's potential opponents in the quarterfinal round. Most would agree that Northwestern would be somewhat of a nightmare of a matchup, given the closeness of the two regular season contests and the Wildcats' unique offensive stylings. I feel confident enough in saying that the Wildcats will win, meaning that we will end up facing them for the dreaded third time in a single season.

I did some aimless Googling around to find the answer for why beating a team three times in one season is notoriously difficult. I did not find anything substantive, as most of the results were simply articles containing quotes from players and coaches saying that "beating a team threes times is difficult." As you might suspect, it is pretty much just another one of those sports-isms that we could do without. It's sort of like when a child asks their Mom or Dad to explain how something like gravity works: it just does, honey. Why is it hard to beat a team thrice in one season? IT JUST IS, OKAY.

Having engaged in two OT contests against the Wildcats, Michigan is literally more familiar with Northwestern than they are with any other team. If Michigan loses, it will be likely for these reasons in this approximate, extremely unscientific order:

1) Poor outside shooting/too many threes (i.e., 38 of them)
2) THJ reverting to Evil Handlebar Mustache-wearing Three Point Attempting THJ
3) Morgan's shoulder still being even vaguely stingery
4) John Shurna looks like Steve Novak from outside
5) Luka Mirkovic






6) Some mystical force that somehow prevents teams from defeating the same opponent three times in the same academic year

Times They Are 'A Changin': As the college football world continues to drift in the ether of non-action, the only comforting thing is that, at the very least, the People That Matter are talking about change. Larry Scott, who has seemingly been running point on the playoff discussion amongst the relevant ADs, says:

"Once we start to get to the point where a consensus is emerging around a model or two, that's when conferences will be asked to kind of officially vote on something," Scott said. "It's a little hard to predict when exactly but it's probably summertime.

"I don't know if there will be a point where our conference declares exactly what it supports until there's a specific proposal in front of us. We're kind of far from that point and there's a lot more work that I need to do and my colleagues from other conferences need to do to narrow options and think of all the implications."

Yes, this process will continue to be incredibly annoying in every way. There will probably be many stupid things along the way, and you should not be surprised when you hear these things. For example, Mike Slive's insistence that a potential playoff system accept all qualified teams, regardless of their status as champions--or not--of a conference. This is obviously stupid, but did you expect anything else after the SEC West Title Game Redux to which we were all painfully subjected? I can see it now: a 4/8 team playoff, all SEC. I just shuddered, as you probably did.

The point is, this will happen slowly, like all things in life that involve bringing together people from all over the country to deliberate over a thing that nets certain people unbelievable amounts of cash, which, come to think of it, is just like our...yeah. I will say that a world in which Mike Slive is the primary focus of the ire of pro-playoff folks, as opposed to Jim Delany, is a much better world.

Here and There: The continually nonsensical parade of conference realignment has gotten to a level of insanity that makes the term "realignment" seem hilariously misapplied in light of everything. This senselessness has continued on for so long that I read about Temple re-joining the Big East in 2012--after having been kicked out unceremoniously and didn't even think twice about it. After all, this is a conference called the Big East, a conference which will eventually include teams like Boise State and San Diego State. Irrationality and bitter survival instinct reign supreme here.

Still, we are talking about TEMPLE, here. I know that they've gotten better and that the Big East is not exactly in a position to be choosy, but...my God. The Big East has essentially turned into a trip to Golden Corral/Old Country Buffet/insert other purely AMURICAN eateries; you put everything on your plate at the same time, or at least as much as you can fit on the first go around. Macaroni and cheese? Yeah! Mashed potatoes? Yup! Fried chicken, a vague pile of "salad," and a scoop of ice cream just to save time once the shame starts to hit and getting up again becomes not only a physical impossibility but a literal walk of shame? Oh boy! Then the gravy starts leaking into the salad and the ice cream melts onto the cheese and beets in your salad and the liquid from the soggy broccoli you heaped onto your plate reluctantly advances into the adjacent corn bread and OH GOD THIS HAS BEEN A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.

The only person that finds any of this expansion/realignment business to be rational or generally pleasing is of course Bill Cosby, noted Temple alum.*

The following is a pictorial representation of the process that is realignment:

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Fin. 

*Fun fact, but Bill Cosby is the only Temple alum you are aware of because he is the only Temple alum that actually exists. This is fact.

More? A sure way to make someone that is young feel old is by saying that he is "entering his third decade of life." BTT roundtable on MnB for which I was a contributor. I'm looking forward to Olmec's continuing service as the mouthpiece of Temple athletics.

Consider the Smoshtrycz, 12/12/2011

Unseen Things: So, due to the lameness of not living in Michigan/ESPN3, I was not able to actually watch the Oakland game. I did listen to it via MGoBlue audio, which brings me to why I'm giving a game that I wasn't able to actually watch its own section. From the very beginning until the very end, the guy doing the audio kept referring to an "Evan Smoshtrycz," and based on the box score and the flow of the game, this guy is pretty good. Whoever recruited this fellow/allowed him to play basketball with human beings...

...is awesome. Evan Smoshtrycz is seen above, running the floor/savannah and exceeding expectations. Yes, the mispronunciation was a flimsy excuse to post the above but it's there and what's done is done. 

I'm not going to attempt to dissect a game I didn't watch, but a few things: 

• This was Hardaway's second sluggish start in the past three games. Hopefully this doesn't become a trend.

• When Stu Douglass dunks a basketball, flawless victory is assured. Interesting that Vogrich came off the bench before Stu, but with the latter dropping 13 and just being capable of doing more things than Vogrich, I don't think that's significant. 

• On a serious note, it's nice to see Smotrycz starting to put it together. I've talked about how I think he could be a real good player for us once he learns what he can and can't do and slows down a little bit when he's trying to make something happen with the ball in his hands. Twenty points, nine rebounds, and not fouling out is not a bad day for a 90% ostrich, 10% man (okay I'm done). As Rod Beard notes, Smotrycz is the definitive X-factor. If he can continue to chip in at least 8-10 points, an appropriate number of boards, and not kill his game via excessive fouling, then that is a fine player we've got there complementing Burke and Hardaway. 

• Looks like Akunne missed his first shot of the year...UNACCEPTABLE. 

• Burke, awesome once again; 38 minutes played in this one, though, is not so awesome. 

• Another quiet outing offensively for Zach "True Grit" Novak but in place of scoring points he was all like "hey guys, how about an 8:1 assist to turnover ratio?" and everyone was like "yeah, that sounds cool." So, he did that.

• The Wolverines absolutely shot the lights out in the second half, edging the Golden Grizzlies by 10 in the second half; if it wasn't for a ridiculous run by Oakland in the first half, Michigan probably would've won by 15-20. Regardless, this was a solid win (or non-loss, I guess) and Michigan has the fortune of playing a few cupcakes before the Big Ten schedule begins. Michigan takes on Arkansas Pine-Bluff tomorrow at 7 ET on ESPNU. 

Familiar Territory: On the heels of a shaky performance against Braxton Miller, the secondary looks to bounce back against Logan Thomas and the Hokies. Coach Hoke speaks to the aforementioned performance: 

"That’s alarming," Hoke said. "(Virginia Tech's) quarterback has ... (29) touchdowns this year. They’re very good at what they do, and we have to be tighter in coverage. We have to be better in zone. All those things are part of it.”

I'm in the process of watching the Clemson game again (due to it being on at the same time as the B1G Title Game, I wasn't able to the first time around), but for now I'll say that although VT has played a pretty weak schedule, Logan Thomas is the real deal. I've referred to him as the Dollar Tree version of Cam Newton before, and I still think that to be the case. In addition to the dynamic David Wilson, VT skill's players at these two positions are at least as good as Ohio State's, and at quarterback Thomas is certainly more dangerous at this point in his career. I'll have to watch some of the game footage that MGoVideo has so conveniently put it to get a feel for the quality of the OL and wideouts; I would guess that the overall talent of these position groups lags behind that of Ohio State's respective groups, but I'll have to see for myself. 

On the flip side, I don't think Michigan/Mattison will be as susceptible to being surprised by the opposing offense's capabilities like they were against Ohio State and Bollman's surprisingly aggressive game plan. So, there's that. 

Norm Parker Retires: As you probably already know by now, long time Iowa DC Norm Parker is retiring; this is a big deal for the Iowa program, and I'm not really sure that they can replace a guy like that. Although Iowa's defense was fairly average in most statistical categories this year (42nd in scoring defense, 68th in total defense), Iowa has thrived for years on that side of the ball with seemingly very little talent and an ability to turn people like "Tyler Sash" into above average college safeties. Every year when you sit down to read a preview of the Iowa game, you'd be liable to find the same widely distributed sentiments vis-a-vis Iowa's defense. You know what they're going to do. They do what they do. They don't blitz. They do what they do regardless of the circumstances. Seriously, they don't blitz. 

You always think these things will end up being in your favor, but, much of the time that has not been the case. There's something to be said for picking one thing and doing it very well. It gives a program a certain identity that allows it to say "this is what we do" and have recruits know it. With Parker's departure, I have a hard time seeing Iowa not continuing to decline as that 2009 Orange Bowl-capping season continues to get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. Ferentz is locked in at Iowa through 2015, but that won't quiet the Ferentz to the NFL chatter. I doubt he goes anywhere; he's getting paid a ridiculous amount of money at a place where he won't get fired after a couple of bad years like he would in the NFL. As much as his coaching persona fits in the NFL, he'll stay IME. 

You're Hurt, I'm Hurt, Everybody's Hurt!: Rothstein on Woolfolk and JT bonding while injured. It is oh so fluffy but that's not always a bad thing: 

His parents bought him a recliner, one he sat in on Nov. 6, 2010 -- the day after surgery -- watching the Wolverines play Illinois in Michigan Stadium and was close to tears.

Floyd watched the rest of Michigan's regular season games in 2010 from that recliner, fighting his emotions each Saturday and often texting Woolfolk because the players who were likely to comprise half of the Wolverines' starting defensive backfield last season couldn't drive the 20 minutes they lived from each other to watch games together.

One of my first memories of Woolfolk on the field was against Eastern Michigan; it was late in the game and I think he got burned for a touchdown (it didn't matter because the game was already put away). I was a freshman and so was he. I don't think either of us expected what would happen the next few years. I'm glad that I'm going to be able to watch his last game as a Wolverine in NOLA this January; it's been a bumpy ride but I think he'd tell you that it was all worth it in the end. 

Mo' Money Mo' Problems: As a result of Michigan's Sugar Bowl berth, Brady Hoke is getting some extra money. This is all well and good, but given who Brady Hoke is and the bowl that we are going to be playing in, I feel that a pile of sugar would've been a much more appropriate bonus: 

No, this will absolutely not be the last time this appears before the bowl game. 

More? Couple of Michigan honorable mentions in Pro Football Weekly's All-American Team. Jim McElwain, Alabama OC, gets the Colorado State coaching job...man, when was the last time they were relevant? By the way, thanks for Caleb Hanie, Colorado State. Thanks. Auburn tailback/only good thing about 2011 Auburn football Michael Dyer is suspended for the bowl game against UVA; adjust your bowl challenge pick 'ems accordingly.