Friday, May 11, 2012

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 5/11/2012

If you couldn't tell, I've been a little lazy with the original content of late...I'm hoping to start the Alabama defensive previews next week, and maybe put up a few other things that I've been thinking about. Until then...onward to the college football topics of the day. 

Firstly, if you want to know more things than you currently know about Indiana football, head to Maize n Brew, where it is currently Indiana preview week. 

We hardly knew ye. Chris Rock has decided to leave the program, inspiring Internet commenters across the Michiverse to quote their favorite Chris Rock lines, or, taking it a step further and cutting out the middle man, noting that Chris Rock, Michigan football player, shares his name with a famous comedian and oh the LOLs that have been had because of this simple coincidence.

It's difficult to say whether or not he would have gotten meaningful time in 2012 (probably not). Regardless, Michigan isn't exactly overflowing with depth on the defensive line. In any case, I've always thought it a little tasteless to discuss the scholarship implications of such departures, so I will simply wish him good luck in his future endeavors.

Nick Saban, the anti-Stone Cold Steve Austin. Presumably in response to Jim Delany's comments about his disapproval of teams participating in a future playoff after having not won their conference, the glorious spiritual manifestation of the Yellowhammer State's essence, Nick Saban, fired back. In classic Delany fashion, the B1G AD voiced his opinion about the aforementioned scenario with a less than subtle nod at this past season's Alabama team:
I dont' have a lot of regard for them. 
Oh Jim, never change. Saban, in his classically eloquent fashion, responded to the above scenario, one which would have course locked out the 2011 Alabama from participating in said playoff:
Hell no. 
Well, that settles that! Thank you, Nick. To quote this nation's leading German basketballer: SHUT IT DOWN LET'S GO HOME.

Nick considers your suggestion with disdain. After running several complex processes through his cybernetic hard drive, he decides that your playoff scenario is not a part of The Process, thereby prompting him to run hellno.exe 

In any case, I'm with a "conference champions only" with a ranking requirement--i.e. top 6-10/whatever can be agreed upon--type scenario becoming the law of post-season college football.

As for Nick and the SEC, it would seem that they wish to parlay the pro-SEC sentiment of this time into what would potentially be an all SEC playoff bracket. I mean, people are trying to argue that Arkansas was the #3 team in the nation last year...sorry, but no. It seems like we're getting closer and closer to opening a significant fissure in the landscape of college football, igniting a grand, divisive conflict between the football entities of the various regions, namely the North and the South and HEY WHAT A MINUTE IS THIS A SEQUEL?

Under the Saban/SEC plan, we'd have the pleasure of looking forward to ceaseless S-E-C chanting and "BUT THEY'RE SO GOOD 'CAUSE THEY BEAT EACH OTHER UP PAWWWLLLL." Also, LSU-Alabama in the title game for the rest of time would get mighty boring. There's really no way that a playoff can happen without conference champions figuring into the equation in some way; otherwise, would things be any better or different than they are now? Alabama could hypothetically not win their division conference and still participate in Saban's "polls only" playoff model, meaning that it would literally be no different at all. That is a problem, because that would make all of this a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

In other SEC news--Mark Richt is ready for you, nerds. After talking about a not so nice SEC head coach, I will add to my list of "reasons why Mark Richt is the coolest dude in the SEC." Last year's post-game exchange between Vandy HC James Franklin and UGA DC Todd Grantham predictably and somewhat hilariously created some bad vibes that have lingered on into the bleak desert time-space that is the offseason. This is amazing, because it's Vanderbilt, and the Revenge of the Nerds jokes really tell themselves.

Quoth Richt:
"I don't think we'll have much trouble getting jacked up to play the Vanderbilt Commodores this year" Richt said. "I'll tell you that."
That's right folks. Mark Richt is trash talking Vanderbilt football: achievement unlocked! In any case, more "piss and vinegar" in college football is a good thing, especially when Vanderbilt is involved. The fact that anybody, let alone Mark Richt, is paying attention to Vanderbilt football in May is a testament to James Franklin's work thus far in Nashville. Well done, Coach. It's too bad you never had the chance to challenge Ed Orgeron during the post-game handshake/fisticuffs session of that most heated in-state blood feud also known as UT-Vandy.

There are no wide receivers left. In "the offseason is a horrible time in which only bad things can happen" news, Bob Stoops has suspended four players indefinitely, three of whom are wide receivers. With Ryan Broyles departing to study in the Megatron School of Wide Receiving, this development leaves the Sooners with Kenny Stills as the sole returning player to have caught a pass last year. I don't need to tell you that this is not good, particularly for a spread-to-pass offense like Oklahoma's.

With Brent Venables's departure and Josh Heupel still being young and inexperienced as an offensive play-caller, you have to wonder about what OU will look like in 2012, especially early on in the season. The defense was absolutely shelled in losses against Texas Tech, Baylor, and Oklahoma State, and a coordinator change doesn't necessarily help in that regard (although Mike Stoops being that replacement probably mitigates the standard concerns). On the plus side, OU does return its top three rushers in Dominique Whaley, Roy Finch, and former Michigan target Brennan Clay. Whaley amassed 627 yards on 5.5 ypc last season before leaving the Kansas State game in Manhattan after sustaining a pretty gruesome injury on the first play.

In addition, OU of course returns backup QB/Tebow-back Blake Bell, who scored 13 rushing touchdowns last year as the freshman Tebow to Landry Jones's Chris Leak. In short: the 2012 OU offense might not look much like the offenses we've been seeing for the last 10+ years, which might be a good thing for Landry Jones, who had a pretty tough end to the 2011 season. With 7 returning defensive starters and a very good group of tailbacks+Bell, it seems that the Sooners might be, dare I say it...playing some "manball" in 2012?

This just in: David Molk still wants you to shut up and leave him alone. Our very own Rimington winner/warrior poet/gruff-master on the transition to the NFL and life in San Diego:
"Not going to buy a house, especially in this housing market," he said. "I don’t need any more room than I have now. I don’t need a big townhouse. Just give me a little crappy apartment and a TV and a nice chair, and I won’t know the difference."
Seriously, he just wants you to leave him alone so he can eat his grilled nails sandwich before he reach blocks your unsuspecting self off of his lawn.

More? Braves and Birds on Buzz Bissinger and the BAN FOOTBAW movement. The Key Play at EDSBS reveals what ACC schools will use their newly attained ESPN cash money on; worth clicking through for the Maryland gif alone.

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