Week 2: Close encounters of meaning, or not

Week 2 

With one more week in the books, the picture becomes clearer in some spots, blurrier in others. 

The nonconference slate is a mishmash of comfortable victories, head-scratching close calls and everything in between: Week 2 offered a diverse selection of all three. Take Clemson, Georgia, Arizona, for example -- and those were all wins. 

Thus far, Clemson looks nothing like the team that closed the 2015 season on a high note, the highest note of any team not named Alabama. Deshaun Watson passed a whopping 53 times and completed just 27 of those attempts, which is fine if you're Texas Tech or the Detroit Lions' Matt Stafford, but not if you're the No. 2 team in the country playing Troy at home. 

Meanwhile, in Athens, Kirby Smart's squad limped its way to a win against Nicholls State (which finished 3-8 in 2015). After a solid win against UNC (made slightly more solid after UNC's thumping of Illinois), the Dawgs came back down to earth, with Nick Chubb managing just 80 yards on 20 carries. Turnovers helped keep the Colonels in the game, as if often the case when the Little Guy hangs with the Big Guy. Georgia can definitely compete in the SEC East -- which, I suppose, is a lot like saying the Big Ten West winner will have a chance at winning the conference title. But this team is another Chubb injury away from some real problems ... an injury that hopefully does not happen, because he's a fun player to watch, and isn't that what all of this is about? 

Arizona, well, they scored 28 unanswered and beat Grambling State by 10. If you need a second to reread that sentence, feel free to do so and meet me at the next paragraph. 

Done? Yes, that is something that happened, yet another drop in the torrential downpour of madness that is the college game. And, really, let's be honest: Is that result even all that surprising? Does that box score move the needle in any way whatsoever? No? I'm not sure what to say about the Rich Rodriguez era in Tucson other than his teams always seem to teeter perilously on the precipice separating resurgence from oblivion. Rodriguez's squad followed his first two seasons, both 8-win campaigns, with 10 wins in 2014, but just seven last year. 

The Wildcats cap the season with trips to Oregon State and Washington State, and the rivalry tilt against Arizona State. But it's the five games prior that will decide the season and, perhaps, move the needle back in the positive direction for Rodriguez and Co. After this week's matchup against Hawaii, Arizona hosts Washington, travels to UCLA and Utah, then hosts USC and Stanford. Win three of those and close out with four straight against WSU, Oregon State, Colorado and ASU and you're looking at eight wins. 

But, you know, who knows. Arizona, like so many others, is just one of those teams that generally does not adhere to philosophical structures of order or reason. They're either firing on all cylinders, zooming down the highway, or crapped out on the side of the road, belching smoke into the pastel Arizona sky. 

Speaking of close calls, you can even look at Nebraska, which dispatched Wyoming with ease, 52-17 -- close call? The Cornhuskers held a 24-17 lead after three quarters. But hey, that's why you play four. 

If all of the above sounds like bad news for the aforementioned teams, maybe it is and maybe it isn't -- but take it all into account, hand-wringing Michigan fan, when you bemoan Michigan's "unimpressive" 37-point victory against UCF. 

That performance was far from perfect, but why is anyone expecting that in the first place? Even Alabama, the colossus from T-Town, didn't look like the same team in Week 2, besting Western Kentucky by "just" 28 points, 38-10. Jalen Hurts threw two picks and the Tide averaged 3.2 yards per carry. None of that means anything. 

Oh, right, there was also that business in Stillwater. What to say? I still lack words for the conclusion of the 2015 Michigan-Michigan State game. Things happen in college football that are spectacular for their lack of decipherable meaning. You can say "why?" but you already know the answer. 

Incredulity, thy nom de guerre is college football. 

If you're looking for sense in anything, college football is the last place you'll find it. You might as well roam the desert looking for a Wi-Fi hotspot, pining for a chance to send that Tweet about how something that happened on Sept. 10 presages either doom or success against a future opponent. 

Elsewhere

• Iowa State is truly bad. This is a fact that only underscores the awesome accomplishment achieved by Iowa in its 42-3 win against them. The Hawkeyes have found a way to lose to some wretched Cyclones teams over the years, but not this time. Really, I was far more impressed by this victory than one ought to be. We're not talking a hex of the late 1990s/early 2000s, when ISU beat Iowa five years in a row, but ISU did take three of the last five before this year's matchup, including the 2012 9-6 game. That ISU team finished 6-7. They also finished 6-7 in 2011, another winning year for ISU over Iowa, and 2-10 in 2014. This is probably more than you needed to know -- the point? Beating a bad Iowa State team by many points is significant for an Iowa team that has struggled to beat bad Iowa State teams. 

• Remember Danny Etling? If you do, you're either a recruiting buff or a Purdue football die-hard. Regardless, he played most of a football game this past Saturday ... for LSU. Etling, who transferred from West Lafayette to Baton Rouge, went 6-of-14 for 100 yards, one touchdown and one interception. Which, somehow, was worse than Brandon Harris' performance in Week 1 against Wisconsin. It really is difficult to think of a program that has squandered so much talent based on its inability to get one thing even sort of right (i.e. quarterback). Gone are the glorious days of Matt Mauck.

• The Seminoles head to Louisville to take on QB Lamar Jackson and Co. this week in what promises to be an exciting matchup. Jackson posted another big day in a Week 2 win against Syracuse. In two games, he's passed for 697 yards and completed 59.7 percent of his attempts. He's also rushed for 318 yards. Needless to say, FSU is a step or two up from Charlotte and Syracuse. But if early returns mean anything, Jackson is a step up from the quarterbacks FSU has faced to date. 

• There's still something strange about seeing Washington sitting there at No. 8. They went 8-6 and 7-6 in Chris Petersen's first two years, yet somehow found themselves in the preseason top 10. Why? I don't know. It's not even that they necessarily don't "deserve" to be there, so much as their inclusion feels very strange, like a curly fry that finds its way into a batch of regular fries. With that said, unlike many other teams, the Huskies have taken care of business thus far, and the schedule actually looks quite manageable. UW hosts Stanford Sept. 30 and visits Oregon Oct. 8, but after that I don't see any games that are slam-dunk losses. A trip to Utah is always tough (ask Michigan), USC is the Pac-12's LSU (hey, look at all that talent) and the Apple Cup is a rivalry game still, even if the Cougars have failed spectacularly to date. If UW wants any chance at a playoff berth, it will need to sweep that Stanford-Oregon stretch. 

• The game of the week? Arkansas-TCU, which was actually sort of a snoozer until the very end. The unsnoozeification of this one began when Arkansas missed a 22-yard field goal, then up 20-7 late in the third. TCU stormed back to take a lead, until Arkansas went 58 yards in 62 seconds to tie it with a minute to go at 28-28. TCU had a chance to win with a field goal, a 28-yarder. That was blocked, because the very notion of field goals resides in the realm of Bad Possibilities, and Arkansas went on to win in overtime. It's still unclear to me what Bret Bielema and Arkansas' path to success in the SEC West is, but one thing's certain: Razorbacks games are worth the watch. A Sept. 24 date with Texas A&M will likely be another one worthy of viewing consideration. 

• After a rough first quarter that saw Tennessee trailing Virginia Tech 14-0, the Vols bounced back to notch a comfortable win at Bristol Motor Speedway (it's a brave new world). Tennessee gets a breather with Ohio this week -- well, in theory -- but then the schedule gets brutal before finishing with a pretty breezy five-game stretch. After Ohio, UT gets Florida at home, Georgia and Texas A&M on the road, and Alabama at home. The Vols were talked about as a playoff contender heading into this season, but that four-game stretch always loomed large. Assuming they get to the SEC title game and score an upset against Alabama, they can't afford to lose more than one of those four. Maybe Tennessee figures things out and manages to go 3-1 there, win the final five and have a shot at a play-in game in the SEC title game. Either way, like the Stanford-Oregon stretch for Washington, the Florida-Georgia tilts in consecutive weeks are must-wins. 

• If college football can be likened to Game of Thrones, then Nebraska's 2015 season was akin to the guy who jumps on the bandwagon of the deity in vouge at exactly the wrong time. That's really the only explanation for Nebraska's insane run of bad luck last season. However, looking at their schedule, the 'Huskers have a chance to be one of the notable bounceback teams of 2016. In one of the more quietly interesting games of the week, Nebraska welcomes Oregon to Memorial Stadium, a team that is undoubtedly a few notches below what it once was. The Ducks can still score, sure, but they've given  up yards and points like they're hosting a yard sale. Excluding UVA QB Kurt Benkert's -27 yards rushing, the Cavaliers racked up 220 yards rushing on the Oregon defense this past weekend. ESPN's Power Index gives Nebraska a 74.2 percent chance at victory. If Nebraska can score a win -- which would only be an upset in terms of the arbitrary nature of early-season polls -- then a 7-0 start is not out of the question. Nebraska follows this one up with games against Northwestern, Illinois, Indiana and Purdue; that is, the antithesis of the middle of Tennessee's schedule. 

HTR's Weekly 25: Week 1

For a while here, I dabbled in writing a little about Chicago sports (which, as I then had the time, was fun, even if it went unread), I've written traditional game recaps of various Big Ten games (football and basketball) and various other little things along the way.

But, when I started this thing five years ago, it was with football, particularly Michigan football, in mind.

So, while my work as a regular journalist keeps me busy, I'm going to try to create some regularity here. I've tried in the past, with some success during the football and basketball seasons, before dropping back once summer hits.

Well, I'll worry about the summer once it returns next year: for now, the easiest way to stay engaged in the college football scene is by, what else, compiling a weekly set of by and large meaningless rankings.

Does my opinion mean anything? No, not really -- but the older I get, the less justifiable watching hours of football becomes without doing something meaningful with it ("meaning," here, is a generous term).

So, with that, here's my personal top 25 after the first week's worth of action:

1. Ohio State. Talk about a no-brainer. The Buckeyes marched into Blacksburg, missing their best defender in Joey Bosa and several other players, and still dominated despite turning it over a couple of times. Braxton Miller as utility playmaking type is a terrifying concept. Who would've thought that he would one day be a Heisman candidate...as a wide receiver? That spin move will probably feature prominently in college football promo commercials for OSU games the rest of the season, and for good reason. Ohio State appears to be on track to cruise to another playoff appearance.

2. Alabama. The Crimson Tide simply beat up a Badgers team that, for the first time in recent memory, is somewhat shaky on the offensive line. Even so, the Badgers' normally prolific rushing attack was non-existent, with UW tailback Corey Clement carrying it just 8 times for 16 yards before sitting the rest of the game out with an injury. While Joel Stave had a nice game, UW had no answer for Alabama's own rushing attack. It should be no surprise that, like conference mate Georgia, Alabama has multiple tailbacks who can get the job done. Quarterback Jake Coker's (15-of-21, 213 yards, 1 TD) longest completion of the day, in fact, was a 33-yarder to tailback Kenyan Drake. Once again, Alabama appears to be the football equivalent of the trash compactor from "Star Wars."

3. TCU. Okay, you can say the score of their season-opening win at Minnesota didn't inspire confidence. But I give credit for road wins, and the Gophers aren't a pushover. Minnesota lacks offensive punch, but they're still a tough out, and the Horned Frogs got the job done on a hot evening in Minnesota (yes, hot, Minnesota).

4. Auburn. Similarly, it's hard to say the Tigers had an exceptional Week 1, but again, I give credit for beating a real opponent. More importantly for Auburn fans, the defense looked okay, forcing two turnovers and holding Louisville quarterbacks Lamar Jackson and Reggie Bonnafon to a combined 5.06 yards per attempt. Sure, new Auburn quarterback Jeremy Johnson struggled, but I think you'd rather have the defense do okay and the young quarterback struggle than the other way around...at least at this stage of the season.

5. Michigan State. Again, file this under the "not impressive box score but still good" category. Also, props are in order for traveling to Kalamazoo. Of course, this week's tilt against Oregon is the nonconference game of note for the Spartans.

6. Baylor. Maybe I'm giving excessive weight to the halftime score against SMU (28-21, Baylor). But, again, this was a road game, and it's a long season. As long as they continue to win, that first 30 minutes will be nothing but a minor footnote.

7. Notre Dame. Okay, beating Texas -- let alone dismantling them -- doesn't mean much now, but the Longhorns were at least expected to be able to play some defense. The Fighting Irish disproved that assumption, racking up 527 yards of offense and holding the Longhorns to just 20:50 in possession (yes, I know, a meaningless stat in and of itself, but still an indicator of how the game went).

8. Oregon. I know, it's only Week 1, but the Ducks gave up a whopping 42 points and 549 total yards against Eastern Washington. That won't work out too well against conference competition.

9. Georgia. A ho-hum blowout, a college football Week 1 tradition. Todd Gurley is plying his trade in St. Louis, but Nick Chubb and Keith Marshall will do just fine for UGA (that's an understatement).

10. UCLA. Virginia isn't a powerhouse by any stretch of the imagination, but the Bruins looked strong against major conference competition, and quarterback Josh Rosen was tremendous (28-of-35, 351 yards, 3 TDs).

The wild back 15:

11. USC
12. Florida State
13. Clemson
14. Texas A&M
15. Georgia Tech
16. LSU
17. Arkansas
18. Ole Miss
19. Boise State
20. Oklahoma
21. Missouri
22. Tennessee
23. Arizona
24. Mississippi State
25. Utah

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 9/27/13

Take the week off, Big House. You deserve it. 

It's a sunny, 75-degree, decidedly un-Fall like day here in the Windy City; I guess we'll have to wait a little while longer before football weather arrives. In the meantime, have some links to prepare you for tomorrow's slate of games around the country: 

• On the injury front for Wisconsin--mentioned in Breaking Points yesterday--Coach Gary Andersen cleared a few things up, but didn't give anything definitive on tight end Jacob Pedersen, a big piece of the Badgers' passing game. Without Pedersen, star receiver Jared Abbrederis is Wisconsin's only dangerous receiving threat. That is not a formula for success against a very good Buckeye secondary, especially with Bradley Roby set to match up against Abbrederis. On the bright side for UW, Peniel Jean will go, meaning freshman Sojourn Shelton won't have to make the start. On the not so bright side, freshman center Dan Voltz will likely make his first start. This game would have been tough enough if the Badgers were completely healthy, but now, I'm thinking my prediction of a UW 7-point loss might have been slightly optimistic in favor of Andersen's squad. 

• Eleven Warriors previews this all-important Leaders division clash. Land Grant Holy Land has a preview, too. 

• Keys and storylines for LSU-Georgia. 

• Ron Higgins of NOLA.com talks SEC defense, and why it might not be as great as it has been. 

• If you're looking for some early season rivalry action, the always underrated Minnesota-Iowa game is your ticket. As always, Floyd of Rosedale is on the line, and the Gophers look to bring that pig back to the Twin Cities. The Daily Gopher has a Q&A with RossWB of Black Heart Gold Pants. 

• Four factors from BHGP for Saturday's game at TCF Bank Stadium (3:30 ET, ABC). 

• The undefeated Ole Miss Rebels head to Tuscaloosa this Saturday; Roll Bama Roll previews the Bo Wallace-led Ole Miss offense. It's been two weeks now since the Texas A&M game, so I'm not sure this counts as a "trap" game, but the Crimson Tide cannot take this Ole Miss team lightly. 

• Andrew Gribble of al.com talks to Hugh Kellenberger of the Jackson Clarion-Ledger about Ole Miss-Bama. 

• ESPN guys talk Oklahoma-Notre Dame. The Sooners will be making their first trip to Notre Dame Stadium since 1999. 

HTR's Top 25: Week 5

Previous dubious assertions: HTR's Official Meaningless Preseason Top 25, Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4

Me during a bye week

Rank	Team
1	Alabama
2	Oregon
3	LSU
4	Florida State
5	Georgia
6	West Virginia
7	Texas
8	South Carolina
9	Notre Dame
10	Florida
11	Kansas State
12	Ohio State
13	USC
14	TCU
15	Oklahoma
16	Louisville
17	Stanford
18	Mississippi State
19	Northwestern
20	Texas Tecch
21	Oregon State
22	Rutgers
23	Nebraska
24	UCLA
25	Washington

Out: Michigan State, Boise State, Baylor
Idle: Michigan, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, Kansas State, USC, Auburn, Mississippi State, probably some other teams that I'm forgetting about

• GO U NORTHWESTERN. Okay, I'll spare you this week since I wrote a full post on Northwestern this past Saturday (!). However, Northwestern is undefeated. As far as Michigan's relevance to this goes, the collapse of NU's defense in the second half against the hapless Hoosiers should make Michigan fans feel a little bit better about this game. 

• Texas Tech...plays defense? This is without a doubt one of the strangest happenings of the 2012 season. The Red Raiders are playing defense, well. Per Hinton, TTU leads the national in total defense and pass defense at this point in time. I don't even have anything witty to say about this. I'm honestly shocked that Tuberville was able to fashion some semblance of a defense in Lubbock, but apparently he has. Of course, the Big 12 will offer many opportunities for that defense to get shredded, particularly through the air. We'll see if this center can hold. 

• One more "why couldn't we do that?" data point. Ole Miss held the Tide to 125 yards rushing at 3.7 yards per carry. In addition to Alabama's modest output against Western Kentucky, you have to wonder how Michigan was not able to contain Alabama's running game even a little bit. True, Alabama has one less bullet in the chamber given Jalston Fowler's season-ending injury, but still: how were Ole Miss and WKU, of all teams, able to do so much better than Michigan did? This is truly one of life's greatest mysteries. 

• A brief note on WVU-Baylor. 2010 Michigan-Illinois, last season's Washington-Baylor bowl game, this WVU-Baylor game...all these games are stupid and should not be celebrated. Yes, I know that I'm being the stereotypical BIG TEN MAN that Shutdown Fullback satirizes, but that type of football just isn't appealing. Say what you will about the relative quality of Ohio State and Michigan State, but I was actually engaged in that game, unlike this glorified arena derby. 

• Speaking of little defense...Texas and Georgia, teams occupying the "not Alabama but still ridiculously good" rung on the defensive hierarchy, both proved to be somewhat vulnerable this past week against Oklahoma State and Tennessee, respectively. I have to think that this was an outlier for both teams, but especially for Texas, who take on Oklahoma State 2.0 this Saturday (i.e. West Virginia). We shall find out if: a) Texas's defense is as good as previously thought and b) whether WVU's ridiculous offense works on the road, away from the scent of gunpowder and the Morgantown fog. 

HTR's Official Meaningless Preseason Top 25

While it's somewhat hypocritical of me to spend time compiling a preseason top 25 given that I'm of the "no polls till mid-October" opinion, there's just a little more open space to fill here before actual football starts to happen in all its glory. So, here's my top 25. It means nothing, but it is always neat to check back at the end of the season to see how many stupid things I said in late August. After a full offseason of reading Pre-Snap Read and Bill C's work, here's what I've got:

Rank	Team
1	LSU
2	USC
3	Alabama
4	Oregon
5	Oklahoma
6	Georgia
7	West Virginia
8	South Carolina
9	Michigan State
10	Florida State
11	Michigan
12	Virginia Tech
13	Wisconsin
14	Texas
15	Clemson
16	Arkansas
17	Nebraska
18	TCU
19	Stanford
20	Utah
21	Oklahoma State
22	Missouri
23	Ohio State
24	Kansas State
25	Boise State

Some things to ponder: 

• The triumvirate. Last year it was LSU, Alabama, and Oklahoma starting out at the top; this year, just sub in a possibly legitimately "back" USC team. Each of these teams has issues (LSU-the secondary, USC-basically the defense as a whole, Alabama-lots of talent to replace on both sides of the ball) but this is college football. Every teams has issues. With that said, I'm buying approximately infinity shares in Lane Kiffin Enterprises. That offense is just unfair. Barkley throwing to Marqise Lee and Robert Woods and handing off to Silas Redd or Curtis McNeal. Good luck stopping that, college football. As for Alabama and LSU, you probably know more than enough about them after what happened last season. They won't let you score and they'll run the ball run through your face over and over again. 

• Speaking of hype trains on which I have jumped...West Virginia! It's definitely possible that I'm giving WVU too much credit for a big bowl win, but I think this team is perfect for the Big 12. The Syracuse loss last year was a bit of a head scratcher, but I honestly think WVU in 2012 leans more toward its Orange Bowl form than its form against the Orangemen. 

• Notre Dame. Okay, so last season I was suckered into not only predicted a legitimate Florida State resurgence but a ND one as well. I had the Irish down for 10 wins, which, to be fair, probably should have happened if not for a complete and utter derpacolypse descending upon ND against USF and Michigan. Unfortunately for ND, I think having a better season in 2012 is going to be pretty impossible given the schedule. Plus, the situation at QB is a question mark--who knows what Everett Golson will look like--and the secondary is just waiting to give up 400+ yards passing to Matt Barkley down the road. Otherwise, ND should have a decent front 7 and a strong ground game, but I'm not sure that that will be enough to improve upon last season's 8-5 mark. 

• Getting off the blocks. I've got Georgia winning the SEC East, but a few suspensions on defense have given me pause, especially since UGA travels to Mizzou in Week 2. It doesn't sound like Richt hasn't finalized the length of the suspensions to Alec Ogletree, Sanders Commings, and Bacarri Rambo, but they're all going to be missing the game against Mizzou. UGA needs to avoid an early loss (a la last season's 0-2 start) if the annoying HURR DURR MARK RICHT HOT SEAT discussions are going to be avoided. 

• Everybody is gone. About Boise...I just don't know. I'm slotting them in there out of respect for Chris Petersen, but they've got to replace six NFL draft picks plus Kellen Moore (who somehow went undrafted). That's a tall order...they just have to fall off, right?

• Meh. Kansas State, Arkansas...meh. I don't think there's any way KSU replicates what it was able to pull off last season, but I'm pretty sure people have said that very thing about Bill Snyder-coached teams many times before. As for Arkansas, I'm just not buying that. Nice offensive skill players in Tyler Wilson, Knile Davis, and Cobi Hamilton, but the defense just isn't there and in spite of all the Internet snark and wisecracking, you really do get the feeling that JLS is going to take this team that should probably win at least 9 and run it into the ground. 

• Michigan. I'll put up some sort of season predictions post later this week, but for now I'll just say that Michigan is probably not a top 10 team right now (not that it really matters). Beat Alabama and you can say hello to Michigan's highest ranking since the 2007 preseason. 

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 5/11/2012

If you couldn't tell, I've been a little lazy with the original content of late...I'm hoping to start the Alabama defensive previews next week, and maybe put up a few other things that I've been thinking about. Until then...onward to the college football topics of the day. 


Firstly, if you want to know more things than you currently know about Indiana football, head to Maize n Brew, where it is currently Indiana preview week. 


We hardly knew ye. Chris Rock has decided to leave the program, inspiring Internet commenters across the Michiverse to quote their favorite Chris Rock lines, or, taking it a step further and cutting out the middle man, noting that Chris Rock, Michigan football player, shares his name with a famous comedian and oh the LOLs that have been had because of this simple coincidence.

It's difficult to say whether or not he would have gotten meaningful time in 2012 (probably not). Regardless, Michigan isn't exactly overflowing with depth on the defensive line. In any case, I've always thought it a little tasteless to discuss the scholarship implications of such departures, so I will simply wish him good luck in his future endeavors.

Nick Saban, the anti-Stone Cold Steve Austin. Presumably in response to Jim Delany's comments about his disapproval of teams participating in a future playoff after having not won their conference, the glorious spiritual manifestation of the Yellowhammer State's essence, Nick Saban, fired back. In classic Delany fashion, the B1G AD voiced his opinion about the aforementioned scenario with a less than subtle nod at this past season's Alabama team:

I dont' have a lot of regard for them. 

Oh Jim, never change. Saban, in his classically eloquent fashion, responded to the above scenario, one which would have course locked out the 2011 Alabama from participating in said playoff:

Hell no. 

Well, that settles that! Thank you, Nick. To quote this nation's leading German basketballer: SHUT IT DOWN LET'S GO HOME.

Nick considers your suggestion with disdain. After running several complex processes through his cybernetic hard drive, he decides that your playoff scenario is not a part of The Process, thereby prompting him to run hellno.exe 

In any case, I'm with a "conference champions only" with a ranking requirement--i.e. top 6-10/whatever can be agreed upon--type scenario becoming the law of post-season college football.

As for Nick and the SEC, it would seem that they wish to parlay the pro-SEC sentiment of this time into what would potentially be an all SEC playoff bracket. I mean, people are trying to argue that Arkansas was the #3 team in the nation last year...sorry, but no. It seems like we're getting closer and closer to opening a significant fissure in the landscape of college football, igniting a grand, divisive conflict between the football entities of the various regions, namely the North and the South and HEY WHAT A MINUTE IS THIS A SEQUEL?

Under the Saban/SEC plan, we'd have the pleasure of looking forward to ceaseless S-E-C chanting and "BUT THEY'RE SO GOOD 'CAUSE THEY BEAT EACH OTHER UP PAWWWLLLL." Also, LSU-Alabama in the title game for the rest of time would get mighty boring. There's really no way that a playoff can happen without conference champions figuring into the equation in some way; otherwise, would things be any better or different than they are now? Alabama could hypothetically not win their division conference and still participate in Saban's "polls only" playoff model, meaning that it would literally be no different at all. That is a problem, because that would make all of this a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

In other SEC news--Mark Richt is ready for you, nerds. After talking about a not so nice SEC head coach, I will add to my list of "reasons why Mark Richt is the coolest dude in the SEC." Last year's post-game exchange between Vandy HC James Franklin and UGA DC Todd Grantham predictably and somewhat hilariously created some bad vibes that have lingered on into the bleak desert time-space that is the offseason. This is amazing, because it's Vanderbilt, and the Revenge of the Nerds jokes really tell themselves.

Quoth Richt:

"I don't think we'll have much trouble getting jacked up to play the Vanderbilt Commodores this year" Richt said. "I'll tell you that."

That's right folks. Mark Richt is trash talking Vanderbilt football: achievement unlocked! In any case, more "piss and vinegar" in college football is a good thing, especially when Vanderbilt is involved. The fact that anybody, let alone Mark Richt, is paying attention to Vanderbilt football in May is a testament to James Franklin's work thus far in Nashville. Well done, Coach. It's too bad you never had the chance to challenge Ed Orgeron during the post-game handshake/fisticuffs session of that most heated in-state blood feud also known as UT-Vandy.

There are no wide receivers left. In "the offseason is a horrible time in which only bad things can happen" news, Bob Stoops has suspended four players indefinitely, three of whom are wide receivers. With Ryan Broyles departing to study in the Megatron School of Wide Receiving, this development leaves the Sooners with Kenny Stills as the sole returning player to have caught a pass last year. I don't need to tell you that this is not good, particularly for a spread-to-pass offense like Oklahoma's.

With Brent Venables's departure and Josh Heupel still being young and inexperienced as an offensive play-caller, you have to wonder about what OU will look like in 2012, especially early on in the season. The defense was absolutely shelled in losses against Texas Tech, Baylor, and Oklahoma State, and a coordinator change doesn't necessarily help in that regard (although Mike Stoops being that replacement probably mitigates the standard concerns). On the plus side, OU does return its top three rushers in Dominique Whaley, Roy Finch, and former Michigan target Brennan Clay. Whaley amassed 627 yards on 5.5 ypc last season before leaving the Kansas State game in Manhattan after sustaining a pretty gruesome injury on the first play.

In addition, OU of course returns backup QB/Tebow-back Blake Bell, who scored 13 rushing touchdowns last year as the freshman Tebow to Landry Jones's Chris Leak. In short: the 2012 OU offense might not look much like the offenses we've been seeing for the last 10+ years, which might be a good thing for Landry Jones, who had a pretty tough end to the 2011 season. With 7 returning defensive starters and a very good group of tailbacks+Bell, it seems that the Sooners might be, dare I say it...playing some "manball" in 2012?

This just in: David Molk still wants you to shut up and leave him alone. Our very own Rimington winner/warrior poet/gruff-master on the transition to the NFL and life in San Diego:

"Not going to buy a house, especially in this housing market," he said. "I don’t need any more room than I have now. I don’t need a big townhouse. Just give me a little crappy apartment and a TV and a nice chair, and I won’t know the difference."

Seriously, he just wants you to leave him alone so he can eat his grilled nails sandwich before he reach blocks your unsuspecting self off of his lawn.

More? Braves and Birds on Buzz Bissinger and the BAN FOOTBAW movement. The Key Play at EDSBS reveals what ACC schools will use their newly attained ESPN cash money on; worth clicking through for the Maryland gif alone.