INDISPENSABLE RECRUITING ITEMS THAT YOU COULD DEFINITELY NOT LIVE WITHOUT

As you are most probably aware, this blog takes the business of recruiting with the utmost seriousness. There is nothing that an adult male can do to better prove their fandom than to obsessively track the actions of high school kids, and, as such, this blog definitely doesn't maintain a passive-aggressive relationship with the world of recruiting. Recruiting is serious business, and Holdin' the Rope certainly treats it as such.

After filling up on bread early on in the recruiting cycle, Brady Hoke and Co. have slowed down a bit in recent months. The Wolverines' last commitment came on the 21st of June, and in the months of April, May, and June, Hoke has picked up a total of six commitments. Of course, July has netted zero commitments, and has mostly been marked by baseless speculation and Twitterized tea leaf readings for Michigan recruitniks. Luckily, with the help of Holdin' the Rope's newly launched recruiting coverage effort, you, Mr. Michigan Man, will no longer have to live in the lightless dark of recruiting-related ignorance.

With that said, it is times like these when the recruiting soothsayers of the Internet truly prove their worth. With so few spots left to fill, and the remaining prospects naturally becoming more and more secretive about their thought processes as we got closer to next February, reliable recruiting information can be difficult to find. How do we know whether or not to feel happy or sad about our lives when such little recruiting news is out there for general consumption? Who do we even know to believe anymore in this increasingly cut-throat and unethical world of recruiting coverage? Well, Michigan fans: trust me. As soon as we here at HTR find out about something, we'll be the first to relay that information to your through a filter of useless prevarication, passive-aggressive non-statements, and retroactive chest thumping.
---
First of all, let's get to the most pressing bit of news on the recruiting docket, news that HTR has acquired via weeks of sleuthing, interviews, and dedicated research and fact-checking. Are you ready? HTR recruiting scoop numero uno: within the next two weeks--maybe even the next two months or years--something is going to happen. That's right, folks, something is going to happen. As we say here at Holdin' the Rope whenever recruiting things are about to go down: fasten your safety belt.

Things are happening, we can promise you that. Now, for some added verisimilitude, here are some winking emoticons if you don't believe me by now. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) Do you get it yet? Read between the lines. Whatever you're thinking right now, it's that. Yeah, that. 

Now that I've dropped this recruiting bombshell on you, replete with all the subtle winks and vague assurances that you crave, it's time to move on to the interview portion of this week's recruiting update. After tweeting at various prospects--most of whom ignored or blocked me--I finally was able to secure an interview with Generic Everyman, a 4-star prospect out of Normal, OH. Everyman has garnered offers from some of the most impressive football programs in the country, and would represent a big coup--a word which totally has more meaning in reference to recruiting updates as opposed to the toppling of oppressive autocracies--if Hoke were to acquire his commitment (especially as another recruiting victory in the Buckeye state). 

Holdin' the Rope: So, Generic, tell me about your recruiting timetable? Are you thinking about making a decision soon to get it over with or are you going to wait it out until Signing Day? 

Generic Everyman: I'd like to make a decision soon, but I've been getting a lot of offers and I still need to sort through them all. Plus, Dad says I can't decide where I'm going to play football until I do my chores and my homework. I also want to spend some time thinking up a good away message for 

AIM. *

HTR: Sounds like you've got your head on straight. You sound like a Michigan Man already. 

GE: Yeah. 

HTR: What are your thoughts on Brady Hoke? Is he the coolest? 

GE: He's a cool guy. He talked about the tradition and academics of Michigan. My parents really liked that. Academics are really important to me. 

HTR: Academics are important to you, that's great. So, who would you say is in your top 10 right now? 

GE: Michigan, Alabama, Auburn, LSU, FSU, Southwest Crocodile State, Chick-fil-A, Arkansas, Tumbleweed State, and hush puppies. 

HTR: Hush puppies? That's not even a school. 

GE: Yeah, I know. They're my favorite food though. They're soooo good. 

HTR: Haha! Yeah, they are! Speaking of favorite things, all Michigan fans want to know: what's your favorite movie and why? 

GE: 21 Jump Street is probably my favorite. The acting is just so good. I didn't believe that that fat guy and that other guy could be friends, but they were in the movie and I believed it. That's just crazy. 

HTR: It is. Any other favorites?

GE: Well, I really like old school movies. I'm like a movie historian. 40 Year Old Virgin is a classic from way back in 2005. I love watching old movies just to see how people were a long time ago. 

HTR: Yeah, definitely. It sounds like you weren't kidding when you said you were serious about academics. 

GE: Yeah. It's important to me. 

HTR: Shifting back to football, do you have any visits to Michigan planned before you make your decision? 

GE: Yeah, I'm planning on coming up in September to visit for a game. 

HTR: Where would you say that Michigan is on your list so far? 

GE: They're on there. 

HTR: Oh, really? [ed: ;) ;) ;)]. Are they in your top 20? 

GE: Yes. 

HTR: Any other big news coming up for you? Are you excited about your senior season?

GE: Yeah. 

HTR: Well alright, thanks for talking to us. Good luck this season. 

GE: Well, it's not like I had a choice after you called my house 34 times in a row at 3 in the morning and tweeted at me non-stop Thanks. 

*This template may be outdated. 

---

Well, there you have it folks. To recap this week's edifying recruiting update: 

• Things are going to happen soon. I can't tell you what those things are because there are rules, but, rest assured, the skies are looking very BLUE these days ;). 
• Generic Everyman has Michigan on his top 20 list. He wants to make a decision soon, but he might not make his decision soon. He likes Michigan, but he also likes hush puppies and Chick-fil-A, so it may be tough to pull him away from the other schools on his list. Southwest Crocodile State emptied its endowment recently to add a Chick-fil-A to its student union; they may be the school to beat for Everyman's services. However, they might also not be the school to beat. Stay tuned. 
• GE's favorite movie is 21 Jump Street. Junior Hemingway wore the number 21 and was the frequent target of jump balls last year: could this be a sign? This type of expert symbology can only be found here at HTR's recruiting wing...or a Dan Brown novel! Of course, comparisons to Dan Brown can only mean good things, as he is an excellent writer, one that this humble self-anointed recruiting guru respects greatly!
• Academics are very important to GE and his parents. This obviously puts Michigan in the driver's seat, as the other schools either don't match-up academically or aren't even schools.  

Whenever anything happens, we'll let you know after the fact with vague allusions to the things that we knew but couldn't tell you before because something something!

Things to look forward to in next week's recruiting update: an update on that thing that's going to happen in either the near, medium, or distant future; we'll check back in with Generic Everyman to see how that geometry quiz went; and, lastly, we've got some exclusive news about some recruits who might be feeling blue...but not the "blue" that you might think! ;) Stay tuned and remember: fasten your safety belt, because your never know when recruiting things may or may not happen.**

**;)

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 1/23/2012

If the focus on basketball of late in this here space hasn't given you enough of a hint, it is now in fact the horrible, empty thing known as "the offseason." As such, I will try to have one newsy/links-saturated post a week. Most of the topics will be Michigan-centric, but I do plan on taking about general college football a decent bit as well. Until I think of something less lame, these types of posts will go by the above title, lifted straight from the last section of my football posts. 


Recruiting. National Signing Day approaches, a time of both excruciating pain and inexplicable glory for unathletic middle aged men across this great land. First, a preface: it is this blog's policy to talk about recruiting as little as possible. Having recently turned an age that would make me a year older than almost all college football athletes--minus the Weeden and Bauserman types--it hit me that the whole business is incredibly strange and definitely somewhat creepy. As far as I'm concerned, the halcyon days of my youth were the best times of my Michigan fandom; I never knew who the players were before they came in, I never knew what accolades or star-rankings they came in with, whether they were good fits for the system, had character/grade issues, and whether or not they think that NIKE Pro Combat jerseys are "sick." RoJo, the Terrelle Pryor sweepstakes, the great safety strikeout of 2010 (Knight, Parker, Dorsey), Bri'onte Dunn, and a plethora of other highly-charged stress-inducing recruiting inflection points have slowly soured me on the whole thing.

However, in this age of hyper-informed fans, it's impossible to completely ignore recruiting lest you have your fandom questioned by other Michigan Men (particularly on the cusp of NSD). My general philosophy is "trust the coaches and whatever happens, happens." It was that way when RR was still around ( and Lloyd too). I have no problem talking about where committed or officially signed/early enrolled players fit into the scheme of the next season and beyond. Even if it's impossible to tell how a player will turn out--particularly in light of the fact they will grow appreciably, mentally and physically--at least this type of talk is limited to the field. All of the aforementioned can henceforth be considered the OFFICIAL POSITION on recruiting.

With that said, the recent decommitment of long-time commit Caleb Stacey leaves a hole in Michigan's class that must be filled by another OL. As a general note, I wish him well (as all Michigan fans should), and any and all other rhetoric (e.g. "he wasn't that good anyway", "he opens up a spot for a more highly-touted recruit", "he wasn't sure if he could get playing time", etc.) is simply wrong. As one of the earliest commitments of the Brady Hoke era, it's obvious that the coaches liked him, and that's good enough for me.

However, Michigan seems to be in the discussion for a number of quality offensive lineman. Josh Garnett is one such option, and he is announcing this Thursday ($), deciding between Michigan and Stanford. This would give us a 5th OL, a position of desperate need, and one in which we can probably take one more if Garnett picks Michigan.

Mo' Money Mo' Coordinators. In Clemson's continuing effort to rain cash on coordinators, the Tigers hired Oklahoma DC Brent Venables after Bob Stoops brought brother Mike in to co-DC with Brent. This is an excellent hire for the Tigers, who now have two well-respected and well-paid coordinators in Venables and OC Chad Morris. OU did have some trouble on defense this year, particularly through the air, but a heavy slice of that blame probably goes to DB coach (and former UGA DC) Willie Martinez.

When a school like Clemson is capable and willing to pay for coordinators like they have, it makes me increasingly happy that Michigan has joined the rest of the college football landscape in this respect. No longer is Michigan paying their coordinators in Big Ten Burrito gift certificates*.

About Last Night. So, I went to bed thinking about a NATIONAL. FOOTBALL. LEAGUE. featuring one Chip Kelly and all of the hilarity that that would entail. As I watched the Giants and 49ers duke it out in a classic gritfest of offensive ineptitude, the concept of Chip Kelly in the NFL was absurd and outright hilarious, albeit incredibly interesting. And, yet, it seemed that it had all been confirmed.

Wisely, Chip checked out of that play overnight, electing to remain in Eugene and continue to operate that Death Star of an offense despite rumors of supposed NCAA violations being the incentive to get out of Dodge (and a canceled Sacramento recruiting trip looking like evidence that his departure was imminent).

As interesting as an NFL game coached by Chip Kelly might have been, we all know how that would have ended. The NFL is not a place for systems, no matter how brilliant. As such, Kelly staying is a win for college football. While I still have my doubts about Oregon actually winning a national championship (I think an Auburn team with a fairly mediocre defense might have been their best chance), at least he will continue to give us exciting football instead of having to watch him fight the derp-laden stodgy reactionism of the NFL for 2 years.

Wolverine Historian. WH with the 1998 Big Ten Tournament championship game...vacated but not forgotten.

On The Road Again. Speaking of basketball, Michigan heads to West Lafayette tomorrow night in what might be the most winnable game of this upcoming 5-game stretch. Read that sentence again. The next two weeks might not be very fun.

On the bright side, the Boilermakers did just get handled by the Spartans this past weekend, and they have looked like a shell of their former selves throughout this entire season. At this point,  I have very little faith in Michigan's ability to have success on the road, but we'll see (I think I'll have a preview at some point tomorrow). Maybe this is the game that THJ finally breaks out for good. FWIW, here's Hammer & Rails with a brief rundown of the performance in East Lansing.

Mentioning East Lansing=another excuse to post this

*Which, if they exist, would be the worst gift/form of payment ever...PANCHERO'S UBER ALLES. 

More? Lefty to Auburn...an interesting hire, not exactly ideal that he's attempting to replace Gus Malzahn. Virginia basketball drops one at home to Virginia Tech; that's 2 losses out of their last 3 for UVA. UMHoops with efficiency margins and a roundup of the last week in the conference. INFINITE RON SWANSON. I'll take "Headlines Connected To College Football That I Thought I'd Never See" for 1,000, Alex.