INDISPENSABLE RECRUITING ITEMS THAT YOU COULD DEFINITELY NOT LIVE WITHOUT

As you are most probably aware, this blog takes the business of recruiting with the utmost seriousness. There is nothing that an adult male can do to better prove their fandom than to obsessively track the actions of high school kids, and, as such, this blog definitely doesn't maintain a passive-aggressive relationship with the world of recruiting. Recruiting is serious business, and Holdin' the Rope certainly treats it as such.

After filling up on bread early on in the recruiting cycle, Brady Hoke and Co. have slowed down a bit in recent months. The Wolverines' last commitment came on the 21st of June, and in the months of April, May, and June, Hoke has picked up a total of six commitments. Of course, July has netted zero commitments, and has mostly been marked by baseless speculation and Twitterized tea leaf readings for Michigan recruitniks. Luckily, with the help of Holdin' the Rope's newly launched recruiting coverage effort, you, Mr. Michigan Man, will no longer have to live in the lightless dark of recruiting-related ignorance.

With that said, it is times like these when the recruiting soothsayers of the Internet truly prove their worth. With so few spots left to fill, and the remaining prospects naturally becoming more and more secretive about their thought processes as we got closer to next February, reliable recruiting information can be difficult to find. How do we know whether or not to feel happy or sad about our lives when such little recruiting news is out there for general consumption? Who do we even know to believe anymore in this increasingly cut-throat and unethical world of recruiting coverage? Well, Michigan fans: trust me. As soon as we here at HTR find out about something, we'll be the first to relay that information to your through a filter of useless prevarication, passive-aggressive non-statements, and retroactive chest thumping.
---
First of all, let's get to the most pressing bit of news on the recruiting docket, news that HTR has acquired via weeks of sleuthing, interviews, and dedicated research and fact-checking. Are you ready? HTR recruiting scoop numero uno: within the next two weeks--maybe even the next two months or years--something is going to happen. That's right, folks, something is going to happen. As we say here at Holdin' the Rope whenever recruiting things are about to go down: fasten your safety belt.

Things are happening, we can promise you that. Now, for some added verisimilitude, here are some winking emoticons if you don't believe me by now. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) Do you get it yet? Read between the lines. Whatever you're thinking right now, it's that. Yeah, that. 

Now that I've dropped this recruiting bombshell on you, replete with all the subtle winks and vague assurances that you crave, it's time to move on to the interview portion of this week's recruiting update. After tweeting at various prospects--most of whom ignored or blocked me--I finally was able to secure an interview with Generic Everyman, a 4-star prospect out of Normal, OH. Everyman has garnered offers from some of the most impressive football programs in the country, and would represent a big coup--a word which totally has more meaning in reference to recruiting updates as opposed to the toppling of oppressive autocracies--if Hoke were to acquire his commitment (especially as another recruiting victory in the Buckeye state). 

Holdin' the Rope: So, Generic, tell me about your recruiting timetable? Are you thinking about making a decision soon to get it over with or are you going to wait it out until Signing Day? 

Generic Everyman: I'd like to make a decision soon, but I've been getting a lot of offers and I still need to sort through them all. Plus, Dad says I can't decide where I'm going to play football until I do my chores and my homework. I also want to spend some time thinking up a good away message for 

AIM. *

HTR: Sounds like you've got your head on straight. You sound like a Michigan Man already. 

GE: Yeah. 

HTR: What are your thoughts on Brady Hoke? Is he the coolest? 

GE: He's a cool guy. He talked about the tradition and academics of Michigan. My parents really liked that. Academics are really important to me. 

HTR: Academics are important to you, that's great. So, who would you say is in your top 10 right now? 

GE: Michigan, Alabama, Auburn, LSU, FSU, Southwest Crocodile State, Chick-fil-A, Arkansas, Tumbleweed State, and hush puppies. 

HTR: Hush puppies? That's not even a school. 

GE: Yeah, I know. They're my favorite food though. They're soooo good. 

HTR: Haha! Yeah, they are! Speaking of favorite things, all Michigan fans want to know: what's your favorite movie and why? 

GE: 21 Jump Street is probably my favorite. The acting is just so good. I didn't believe that that fat guy and that other guy could be friends, but they were in the movie and I believed it. That's just crazy. 

HTR: It is. Any other favorites?

GE: Well, I really like old school movies. I'm like a movie historian. 40 Year Old Virgin is a classic from way back in 2005. I love watching old movies just to see how people were a long time ago. 

HTR: Yeah, definitely. It sounds like you weren't kidding when you said you were serious about academics. 

GE: Yeah. It's important to me. 

HTR: Shifting back to football, do you have any visits to Michigan planned before you make your decision? 

GE: Yeah, I'm planning on coming up in September to visit for a game. 

HTR: Where would you say that Michigan is on your list so far? 

GE: They're on there. 

HTR: Oh, really? [ed: ;) ;) ;)]. Are they in your top 20? 

GE: Yes. 

HTR: Any other big news coming up for you? Are you excited about your senior season?

GE: Yeah. 

HTR: Well alright, thanks for talking to us. Good luck this season. 

GE: Well, it's not like I had a choice after you called my house 34 times in a row at 3 in the morning and tweeted at me non-stop Thanks. 

*This template may be outdated. 

---

Well, there you have it folks. To recap this week's edifying recruiting update: 

• Things are going to happen soon. I can't tell you what those things are because there are rules, but, rest assured, the skies are looking very BLUE these days ;). 
• Generic Everyman has Michigan on his top 20 list. He wants to make a decision soon, but he might not make his decision soon. He likes Michigan, but he also likes hush puppies and Chick-fil-A, so it may be tough to pull him away from the other schools on his list. Southwest Crocodile State emptied its endowment recently to add a Chick-fil-A to its student union; they may be the school to beat for Everyman's services. However, they might also not be the school to beat. Stay tuned. 
• GE's favorite movie is 21 Jump Street. Junior Hemingway wore the number 21 and was the frequent target of jump balls last year: could this be a sign? This type of expert symbology can only be found here at HTR's recruiting wing...or a Dan Brown novel! Of course, comparisons to Dan Brown can only mean good things, as he is an excellent writer, one that this humble self-anointed recruiting guru respects greatly!
• Academics are very important to GE and his parents. This obviously puts Michigan in the driver's seat, as the other schools either don't match-up academically or aren't even schools.  

Whenever anything happens, we'll let you know after the fact with vague allusions to the things that we knew but couldn't tell you before because something something!

Things to look forward to in next week's recruiting update: an update on that thing that's going to happen in either the near, medium, or distant future; we'll check back in with Generic Everyman to see how that geometry quiz went; and, lastly, we've got some exclusive news about some recruits who might be feeling blue...but not the "blue" that you might think! ;) Stay tuned and remember: fasten your safety belt, because your never know when recruiting things may or may not happen.**

**;)

Shameless Self-Promotion Time

This week in self-promotion:

• I did a player preview type thing on Jack Miller, also known as "the redshirt freshman center who is dangerously close to the top of the depth chart." I'm a big Miller fan, but him playing a lot this year is probably not in anyone's best interest. 
• I wrote a few words about Penn State football going forward, mentioning the names "Jerry Sandusky" or "Joe Paterno" a combined total of 0.0 times. This 2012 season at PSU is going to be one of the strangest in the history of college football. It will be awkward and tumultuous for so many reasons having nothing to do with football. 

--

Elsewhere: 

• Putting Steve Nash on the same team as Kobe Bryant is kind of like putting Denard Robinson under center all the time. 
• File this in the already bursting "reasons why paying more than a moderate amount of attention to recruiting is an utter waste of time" manila folder. It's like Nkemdiche is negotiating the terms of his contract scholarship, kind of like an NFL player...but that would mean that the NCAA's student-athlete model is an illusion! Surely this can't be true! Collegiate amateurism, where art thou?!
• Read this or don't, but that's some top notch trolling in the title there, especially after Alabama just turned down the Badgers' home-and-home proposition. 
• Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician on the new Orange Bowl deal with the ACC. 
• Michigan Hockey Net compiles the depressing list of players that committed to Red's program only to opt out for the confusing, labyrinthine world of junior hockey. 

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 2/7/2012

First, A Sad Note: Maybe I missed this, but I haven't really seen any discussion of this around the Michigan corner of the Internet (it's possible I missed it). Junior Hemingway's home was burglarized Friday morning, and among the lost items lost are jerseys and bowl rings from Junior's time at Michigan. It's simply bizarre that somebody is currently running around with things that took a lifetime of hard work for somebody to acquire.

Brett Duke/The Times-Picayune

A month ago, Junior was crying at the podium. Little bits of colored paper fell. It was the perfect ending to a 5-year journey, the type of storybook ending so purely good that it escapes even cynical accusations of melodrama. Last Friday served as a reminder that this is still a world where bad things happen: randomly, inconveniently, senselessly.

I don't want to get into the psychology of theft (there might not even be any "psychology" beyond "this is a thing I can steal and turn into money"), but the most absurd part of the whole thing is that the thief left the Sugar Bowl MVP trophy, which was lying on the coffee table, unobscured and prone.

Less Saddening News: Michigan gained its third commitment of the new recruiting cycle in the form of Detroit Crockett TE Khalid Hill. He is yet to be ranked by any of the three main recruiting services, but, he is coming to us from the same high school that Brandon Graham did, so that's nice.

"How am I supposed to determine how happy or sad I should be without STARS, guys? I mean, as far as I'm concerned he might as well not even be a real person without a star ranking. HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW HE EXISTS?"-People who follow recruiting

So, yes, a tight end. Who knows how good he will be, but at minimum this commitment partially fills a position of need that will actually become important going forward. TOUGHNESS. TREMENDOUS. TIGHT ENDS. This is Ann Arbor, and this is what we (now) do.

Meanwhile, In Iowa: Kirk Ferentz is likely nervously chewing the heck out of some gum somewhere as he sits in his office, hiding under his desk while trying to determine how he will remedy the whole "not having coordinators" situation. Former Michigan assistant Soup Campbell is a name being thrown around for the OC position, but the buzz around the DC spot is more interesting in that one Jim Herrmann is being mentioned. Yes, that Jim Herrmann. Could you imagine a more Kirk Ferentz thing to do than this? Ferentz would covet somebody that was last considered a good thing in 1997. Kirk Ferentz is the Des Moines of football coaches.

I can see it now. The scene: Iowa City, some fall Saturday in 2012. Iowa leads late in the game but has just elected to punt from its opponent's 34. Ferentz furiously chews the same piece of sugarless gum he's been chewing since 1999, the mustachioed Herrmann standing next to him. He rushes 3 time after time, cordially conceding--nay, aggressively allowing--yardage to be gained, points to be scored, and the happiness of all that are present. End scene.

I have a feeling that this is just too perfect to be true; therefore, it won't happen. From a more general, conference-wide perspective, this would be another development on "the Big Ten is slowly reverting to the 1970s order of things" front (i.e. as top-heavy as Dwight Howard). With PSU and Iowa seemingly headed for tough times, Wisconsin's unimpressive recruiting haul despite going to two straight Rose Bowls, and the rest of the conference, save MSU, being generally mediocre...I have a feeling there might a much larger percentage of fairly uninteresting conference games the next few years or so.

Things That Are Surprising: The stodgy Big Ten might, just might, be leading the charge of change (emphasis is Hinton's):

Sources told the Tribune that a Big Ten plan would remove the top four teams from the BCS bowl pool and have semifinal games played on the college campus of the higher seed.That would do away with the facade of "neutral" sites such as New Orleans, Miami and Pasadena, Calif., and ease travel concern for fans.

Of course, these are "words, words, mere words," as some really emo guy once said. The whole "SEC/PAC 12 teams coming to the Midwest in December" thing is particularly appealing. Of course, the SEC contingent will protest this indignity. Whenever this scenario comes up I recall the Miami Hurricanes players bundled up like they were playing on Hoth for the 2009 Champs Sports Bowl against Wisconsin, which was played in...49-degree Orlando. Good times. I generally avoid the comment sections of articles on big sites like Yahoo, but I couldn't help myself here. A couple were essentially equivalent to "PAWWWLLLLLL THEM YANKEES ARE SO DUMB THEY AIN'T GOT THAT DOME TECHNOLOGY LIKE WE DO."

Whether it's 4 teams or 8 or 16, there will always be somebody with a grievance to air. I'm of the opinion that any playoff that allows any more than 8 teams to compete for the title would be excessive. You can't please everybody, but I think everybody can agree that there needs to be something different than what is currently in place. That consensus needs to be reached amongst the People In Charge, so it's nice that Delany of all people is the one saying this. Again, though...words. A little less conversation, a little more action please.

Things That Are Not Surprising: The almighty dollar ruling the day vis-a-vis college football affairs

The move would essentially prohibit schools from scheduling games like last season's LSU-Oregon matchup at Cowboy Stadium in Dallas. Cases such as the upcoming USC-Syracuse game on September 8, 2012 at Met Life Stadium would be permissible because they are the Pac-12 team's away game in a home-and-home series while matchups like the UCLA-Texas game in 2014 would no longer be allowed unless the Longhorns agreed to come to Los Angeles.

Larry Scott is undoubtedly sliding down a water slide made of gold bullion into a pool of hundred dollar bills, and good for him and the PAC 12. However, anything that eliminates the possibility and/or feasibility of new, exciting non-conference matchups is a net negative. I know that Larry Scott has to look out for his conference's coffers, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

You know, it's times like these that I actually sort of miss the Bowl Alliance days. Teams weren't afraid to go play other teams outside of their respective regions, bowls games were yet untainted by the plague of awkward sponsorships, and the system itself: a) wasn't even a "system" and b) didn't even pretend to provide a definitive and coherent end to a college football season. Unlike the BCS, at least it was an ethos.

More? Jon Merrill "eludes description"...as awesome as last season's turnaround was, this year's has been equally impressive and then some. Michigan gets OL prospect Dan Gibbs as a preferred walk-on; at 6'7'' 315 pounds, "Brobdingnagian" is probably the only adjective ridiculous enough to describe him. The "Do Your Job" slogan has apparently applied to everyone but Head Coach Bill O'Brien for the last month. The least surprising thing ever: John Calipari likes Nick Saban and Alabama football.

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 1/31/2012

Guess which one Michigan fans are right now? (HT: Toothpaste for Dinner) 

Recruiting is still stupid...news at 11: So, last week I briefly laid out the reasons why I think paying inordinate amounts of attention to the dizzying highs and terrifying lows of recruiting is: a) stupid and b) why grown men whose emotional state depends on recruiting success should be treated with suspicion. Of course, this past weekend's happenings only serve to underscore that fact.

Psst. Hey, come here. Yes, you, Mr. EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE Guy. It's going to be okay. We will have a top 10 class, filled with great players and, by all accounts, good dudes. "But it could've been top 5!" Stop it. If you are shocked that Michigan isn't getting every single recruit that you've ever heard of in passing, or that Urban Meyer is recruiting well, then you are not very smart. Click on any of the weekend recruiting threads on MGoBlog and subject yourself to the apocalyptic wailings of folks proclaiming the end of Michigan because we didn't get somebody who most probably hadn't even heard before this past week (i.e. Kozan)...it's a bit much. I mean, I was really taken aback, and that's saying something given some of the recruiting misses--and the resulting Internet meltdowns--over the years.

As far as I'm concerned, both Michigan and Ohio are bringing in very good classes. Regardless of what the recruiting services will try to tell you, measuring the respective worth of two classes on a micro level is about as impossible as picking who the two "best" teams in college football are, as the BCS aims to do. Also, when you really think about it, acting disappointed and reacting in the way that many have reacted is sort of a slap in the face to the tremendous kids that Hoke has already gotten to commit.

Luckily, the hysteria will soon be coming to an end with NSD falling on Wednesday. Just know that if you are measuring the success of Michigan's 2012 recruiting efforts vis-a-vis Ohio/Urban Meyer/a perceived level of Ohio malfeasance gone inadequately punished, you will be disappointed...and it will be your own fault.

Big Dance Projectin': Various hoops folks are coming out with their early bracket predictions, and Michigan seems to be in good position according to guys like Palm and Lunardi. Obviously these don't mean anything given that they're only based on what has happened thus far but it is interesting to see that we're getting some respect. I have a hard time believing that Michigan will actually be a 4 or a 5 when push comes to shove, but we'll see. Again, Wednesday will go a long way toward determining what Michigan will do the rest of the way.

Bowl Games Coming To Your (College) CITAYYY: In the continuing effort to justify and/or validate the existence of bowls like the Beef O'Brady's Bowl, one AD suggests moving "secondary" bowls (a word that, in and of itself, already indicates a level of unworthiness) to campus locations instead of farflung/undesirable places like, say, Shreveport.

Also, the AD proposed that all teams that qualified for a bowl would receive the same bowl “loot” – i.e. bowl gifts – paid out of a central pool of funds from the BCS bowls or another source so that each student-athlete was treated the same.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME KINDA SOCIALISM TO ME PAWWLLLLLL. But seriously, that's not going to happen, wishful thinking guy. Anything to slowly eliminate the existence of guys whose sole purpose is to shadily siphon money from minor bowl games while wearing a blazer and doing literally nothing, I guess. There would be the issue of who gets to play at home, I suppose, but compared to the current setup it can't really get much worse or more nonsensical. With that said, as stupid and shamtastic as the current system is, I am a fan of more football as opposed to less (as you should be), so upping the threshold for bowl eligibility to 7 wins is a net negative. I would like the option of being able to watch two 6-6 teams play a game of negligible stakes, thank you very much.

Maxwell Club GETS IT: Brady Hoke won this award and that's cool, but I only link to this to point out Maxwell Club executive director Mark Wolpert's tremendous diction:

"Coach Hoke has engineered a tremendous turnaround in the Michigan football program in just one year and it was obvious that his team improved each week," said Maxwell Club executive director Mark Wolpert in a release. "

Honorary MICHIGAN MAN status bestowed upon your person, Mr. Wolpert. Side effects may include: irritability, tendency to overreact in response to minor events, a desire to sit when others are in an emotionally excited state, and Bob Seger.

Scouting Indiana: BHGP painfully relives Sunday's game in Bloomington. The Hoosiers dropped 103 on the Hawkeyes, which is more than the Los Angeles Lakers can say that they've scored on most teams thus far this season. Zeller went 11/12 en route to scoring 26 points, which is pretty ridiculous. BHGP cite's the inability to adequately defend the pick and roll as one of many reasons for Iowa's Gerg-ian defensive performance. These defensive concerns will remain valid when the Hoosiers come to Crisler. Indiana definitely won't score 100+ on Michigan in Ann Arbor, but the matchups are far from favorable. Michigan will not be able to key on Zeller like they did against Sullinger

Michigan's perimeter defenders (Burke, Stu, THJ, etc.) cannot allow themselves to get split on the pick and roll with regularity or Michigan will have open 3s and dunks rained down on them something fierce. Likewise, Morgan will be in the unenviable position of having to hedge and make it back down low to defend against the Ent playing basketball that is Cody Zeller. Good luck!

More? Trey comes in at #3 on a freshman of the year watch list behind the Kentucky guys. Brian Phillips on Nadal-Djokovic; as usual, he is definitely worth the read, particularly in light of the excellence of that final match. So, this is a thing. Justin Turner lands at Hawaii.