Way Too Early Basketball Expectations-o-Meter: Jordan Morgan

People I've already talked about: Tim Hardaway Jr.

After starting with THJ in the back court, it's time to shift to the front court. Upon the graduation of the gritty warrior poets known as Zack Novak and Stu Douglass, Morgan officially assumes takes up the vacated title of "Not Superbly Talented But GRITTY Basketball Player Who I Will Endearingly Refer To As GRITTY and TOUGH Whenever I Talk About Him." So, let's talk about Jordan Morgan for a little bit.

SEC West Preview: Guess Who's Back, Back Again

As I've mentioned approximately 842 times within the last few months: there's not a whole lot going on right now. Michigan's fall camp won't be underway for a couple weeks, so this a good time to survey the vast and completely sensical landscape of college football that exists outside of the Big Ten's non-Rutgers-including-footprint. I'll still be working on the basketball player previews as well, but I'll also attempt to take a semi-thorough look at the other major conferences so that you can orient yourself and be well-informed at tailgates and other social functions in the coming months. I mean, is there anything better in life than being able to rattle off mostly useless college football information to your friends, who, in turn, are completely unimpressed impressed as a result? I don't think so.

I'm going to take a look at the SEC, ACC, Big 12, Pac 12, and maaaybe the Big East if I'm feeling charitable and/or have time. Probably not the Big East, though. Anyway, this week I'll start with the SEC, the recent dominion of ALL THE CHAMPIONS, Golden Flake potato chips, and the banana republic that is contemporary Tennessee football.

For the sake of readability, I'll divide this into multiple posts. Today, let's take a look at the SEC West, the toughest division in college football.

An SEC West football coach.  

Shameless Self-Promotion Time

First of all, before I get to the self-promotion...Carl Grapentine himself commenting on my post from last week means that I should probably just shut this thing down right? I mean, that's probably as good as it will ever get. Shut it down, let's go home.

I won't, but nothing cooler than that will probably appear in this space. Oh well. Self-promotion:

• I wrote some nice words last week about my favorite Louisianan Wolverine (hint: he's the only one), Drew Dileo. I'm sure he will have some relatives at the Cowboys Classic, seeing as how--oh wait nevermind, Baton Rouge is 7.5 hours away from Arlington. Well, that's still road trip-able, I guess. 

• Also last week, but I wrote a little thing about Michigan State, a thing which you've probably read before but bears revisiting: MSU is going to be good again, and will probably be pretty good for as long as Dantonio is in EL. 

• I wrote approximately 1,500 words about Michigan's top 2 fullbacks, Stephen Hopkins and Joe Kerridge. Yes, fullbacks. It's an important position, dangit. 

• I put in some words on Wisconsin football, including a brief discussion of the dark pre-Alvarez years, as well what Maryland transfer and Russell Wilson heir apparent Danny O'Brien and new OC Matt Canada might mean for the UW offense going forward. 

Way Too Early Basketball Expectations-o-Meter: Tim Hardaway Jr.

I've been following NBA free agency, not with glee or any sort of excitement or optimism, but complete despair. Nay, I am a Bulls fan, a fan of a team team run by a guy gunning for the coveted Fiscal Responsibility Championship as opposed to an actual title that is real and has meaning. The Bulls have almost completely depleted their bench, losing Ronnie Brewer, Kyle Korver, John Lucas III, CJ Watson, and probably Omer Asik. The Bulls will also not bring back Brian Scalabrine, which is a crime almost as grave as Twitter hashtags sullying the Big House's artificial turf. Thus far, the Bulls have replaced the departing "Bench Mob"with Kirk Kinrich (which, as far as FA signings go, is basically like making a sequel of something instead of being creative and coming up with something original), Vladimir Radmonivic, and, it sounds like, Dark Milicic. With Derrick Rose rehabbing from the knee injury sustained during the playoffs and Luol Deng's wrist issues, the Bulls' situation for 2012-13 looks pretty bleak. Hello, lottery. Needless to say, this is not a basketball program to be excited about right now.

This is all a forced segue into something I am, in contrast, very excited about: that something is the 2012-13 University of Michigan basketball squadron. Unlike the Bulls, Beilein's Wolverines should be fairly deep and would seem to have few, if any, glaring weaknesses. They're experienced, talented, and eager to avenge what was a bitter end to the 2011-12 season.

It's been a while since the loss to Ohio (Ohio Ohio), so I've long ago come to terms with it and stopped losing sleep over Beilein deciding to allow Michigan to run the Kobe offense with Trey near the end of that game. It was not fun, but it's over. It was a sour final salvo to what was otherwise an awesome season. Insert your preferred verbiage here about the randomness of a single-elimination format and how it's all going to be okay because it's completely not even about wins or championships, you guys: it's about the game, having fun, and cracking joke about GRIT and TOUGHNESS. Everything else is just gravy.

In light of the stark dichotomy between my expectations vis-a-vis my respective basketball teams, I decided to take a look at what my expectations are for John Beilein's 6th Wolverine team. There's not much going on right now in this dead summer month before fall camp, and literally anything is better than talking about the NCAA's role in the PSU scandal, how the people in charge of college football are big dummies, and how there might not be anymore professional hockey played in 2012.

Since we are still about 7 weeks away from football and fall camp hasn't started yet, this is a good time to run briefly outline some expectations, player by player, for this 2012-13 basketball team. If I end up being right about any of these things, I'm going to turn into Phil Steele and just refer to my JAM-PACKED WITH FACTS correctness when I do these previews before next season.

Today, we'll start with the talented enigma that is THJ.

Career to Date
I'm going to reach back into my cultural worldview here, all the way to the fuzzy time known as "4th grade." Oh yes, I am in fact talking about Pokémon. If Hardaway's freshman season was analogous to Charmander (fire-breathing, a ferocity belying his youth/inexperience), his sophomore season was, naturally, very Charmeleon-esque: an awkward adolescent phase. Now, as we all remember, Charmeleon evolved into Charizard, who was pretty great. If THJ takes the proverbial next step in 2012, we're talking about a Charizardian winger, breathing fire all over the place and inspiring envy in fans of teams who do not have a Charizard card Tim Hardaway Jr. 

Last Year
Again, last year was sort of rough for THJ, one that led to a lot of recalibration when it comes to assessing THJ's abilities and/or future as a Michigan basketball player. Was his torrid freshman 3-point shooting (36.7%) a sort of extended fluke? Well, after shooting 28% last year, you would certainly not be wrong to think along those lines.

Otherwise, THJ's overall FG% remained roughly the same (42%). He averaged 14.6 ppg after dropping 13.9 ppg in 2010-11. He turned the ball over quite a bit more last season (66 turnovers last season vs. 45 during his freshman season). In addition to 3-point shooting, it became painfully obvious that his handles were not quite as crisp or world-destroying as we might have imagined them to be when he was still a freshman and we hadn't had enough time to objectively consider his abilities.

He got to the line more last season (4.4 FTA per game, averaging exactly 1 more attempt per than '10-'11), which was partly--well, mostly--a product of him simply having to create more with Darius Morris wearing purple and gold instead of maize and blue. For all of his abilities, Trey wasn't the facilitator that Morris was, but I'll address that when I get to it.

Things That Were Good 

Well, last season wasn't all bad, obviously. THJ flashed some of that freshman year Kobe-esque gunnery (the good kind, not the I'm going to take a million shots no matter what kind) here and there, although admittedly not as often as one would've liked. After non-conference play had ended, THJ was shooting 33% from 3; not exactly transcendent, but not completely terrible.

Then the wheels fell off during conference play. He went: 1/7 against PSU at home, 0/7 @IU, 0/8 @Iowa, 2/7 @OSU, 2/8 against IU at home, 0/6 @Nebraska, 2/9 @Northwestern...and so on. You get the picture. I realize that I'm not actually talking about good things, which is what this section is supposed to be for.

After Michigan took a weird thumping at home at the hands of a hungry Purdue team (Michigan's only loss at Crisler all year), the Wolverines traveled to Champaign to take on a desperate but dysfunctional Illini team. THJ went out and had the biggest game of his season, dropping 25 points and 11 boards. He was about as efficient as you could possibly be, going 6/7 from the field and a perfect 4/4 from beyond the arc. Additionally, he was a frequent visitor to the charity stripe, where he went 9/10. This is the game you point to from last season to say "why don't you do that all the time?" Of course, it's not that easy (plus, Illinois was sort of terrible).

Things That Were Bad
Well, I already said most of them in the last section, but...THJ had, shall we say, a deep-seated enthusiasm for the bad 3. Early shot clock, heat check, you name it. And, you know, I get it. As a gunner, it's frustrating to keep shooting, to have people tell you to keep shooting, and to know that you can hit from 3 because you did the year before, only to just keep missing and end up with a sub-30% mark on the season.

Other than that, THJ had trouble handling the ball at times. He had a tough time breaking his defenders down on the wing, and seemed to do much better off the ball when making slice cuts to the middle or attacking in transition, which Michigan did not find itself doing all that much as one of the slower teams in the league. Commentators keep joking about how "Daddy could never do that" whenever THJ flashes a bit of athleticism, but if there's one that that Dad has on him, it's a nasty, ankle-incinerating crossover.

 Last but not least, I fully believe that TJ could be a defensive stopper if he wanted to. There were numerous times when his effort didn't seem to be there, or he was simply being lazy with his footwork and focus. One example of a defensive gaffe that comes to mind came at the end of the first Northwestern game, when THJ fouled Alex Marcotullio beyond the 3-point line with Michigan up 3 and the clock just about to run out. Luckily, Marcotullio clanked the first of three attempts, but that sort of mistake just can't happen and is emblematic of THJ's occasional lack of defensive focus.

If THJ Was A Literary Figure. Franz Kafka. Often works in short, streaky bursts of fevered, prolific brilliance. Wildly divergent performance often makes one ask existentialist questions like "why am I a bug?" or "why am I shooting 9 percentage points worse from 3 this year?" Earlier work (The Metamorphosis, second half of the 2010-11 conference slate) is more widely known and praised than later material (The Trial, The Castle, 2011-12 season). His work makes you go both AHHHHH and AHHHHH, one in a good way and one in a very bad, frightening way.


Things That Would Be Prettyyyy Prettyyyy Prettyyyy Good

• Be more efficient. THJ was 31st in the conference in eFG%, putting him in between two Hoosiers in the rankings (Oladipo and Watford). As a junior, you'd think that a hopefully more well-informed shot selection is in the cards. Either way, if Tim's going to be the First Team All-Big Ten that many think he can be, he needs to value the ball a little more. 
• Less turnovers. His turnover percentage is not that awful when you look at it (14.5%), I guess, but it still seemed like THJ carrying the ball into the lane was just about a 50-50 proposition as to whether or not he'd turn it over or draw a foul. We know that Tim (and the rest of the team) has been working hard this offseason, so we can only hope that the offseason competitions and ball-handling drills will have an obvious effect come November. 
• D up. Not much to expand upon here, but I'd like to see THJ bring it a little more consistently on D. He's still arguably Michigan's best athlete (GRIII sounds like his biggest competition in that department), and he has the ability to stick to the conference's best wingers if he wants to. For a guy that can jump like Tim can, it would be nice to see him hit the boards a little harder (he averaged 3.9 per game last year). I think he could make serious hay on the offensive glass; I wonder if Beilein decides to put a greater emphasis on the offensive boards now that Michigan has some depth in the front court? With the added size on the roster, Michigan doesn't need his rebounding as much, but I think he should be able to pick up a few more double doubles this season after notching two of them in 2011-12. 

OFFICIAL EXPECTATIONS FOR SOMETHING THAT'S FOUR MONTHS AWAY 

FROM STARTING 

I think that Tim's offensive output only improves a little bit, but not because he hasn't gotten any better. Michigan simply has more options in the front court, Stauskas and Vogrich will be taking their fair share of triples, and Burke will still be around being all high usage-y and awesome. Tim will also be a little more efficient than he has been, I think. THJ put up just under 15 a game last season, and most people would probably say that his sophomore year was a bit of a disappointment. If anything, that speaks to the somewhat unrealistic expectations that THJ's freshman year created.

As far as post-season recognition goes, I think that THJ is easily Second Team All- Big Ten with only minimal improvement. Otherwise, if he improves as I imagine he will, he will be First Team All-Big Ten this season and the undisputed top shooting guard in the conference (after having moved back from the 3, where he spent most of last season).

Miscellaneous Minutiae, 7/18/2012

Jeremy Lin, money, and more money. This is only tangentially relevant, but MSG's--the Knicks ownership group--decision not to match the Houston Rockets' offer sheet for Jeremy Lin and the preemptive justification of this decision by MSG made me laugh and then reminded me of Brian's post from yesterday about the Rose Bowl: yes, in the end, it's all about the money. Sometimes certain stories pop up and for a little while make you believe that at least some infinitesimal portion of the experience is reserved for things other than money (pride, tradition, passion, etc.) Unfortunately, it becomes increasingly obvious that it is always about the money, 100% of the time, every time.

According to Chris Marangi, a portfolio manager at MSG's third-largest shareholder, Gamco Investors, Inc.:

“We like it when companies shop for bargains, and Ray Felton looks like a bargain compared to Jeremy Lin,” Marangi said. “We’re value investors.”

Like the people in change of running college football, it seems that the people in charge of decisions made my professional sport franchises are equally as out of touch and myopic. You could make an argument for the riskiness behind keeping a guy like Lin at that cost, but there were many more reasons in favor of keeping him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that people who only care about money, besides not understanding how sports team work and operate, often only care about short-term returns. Without venturing into a rant about this being symptomatic of Knicks ownership's complete ineptitude since the beginning of the new millennium*, it's frustrating to see monied interests continue to be short-sighted, especially when it would seem against their own interests.

To be honest, I'm actually kind of shocked that this whole playoff thing even happened in the first place given the aversion to change among most people in sports with money and a position of power. This calls to mind the constant reference to how "the bowls have been good to us" by various Big Ten folks throughout these playoff negotiations.

Then again, it remains to be seen how different the new playoff structure will actually be; from were I stand, it seems as if it will be not that different.

*And I'm not even a Knicks fans (I'm a Bulls fans). So, really, this is actually a good thing, but my point still stands. James Dolan and whoever else was in charge of this decision are being extremely short-sighted at best and potentially petty and vindictive at worst (if rumors of jealousy within the organization coughCarmelocough are to be believed).

Tony Barnhart on Alabama's biggest losses. Tony Barnhart briefly addresses Alabama's significant defensive turnover and which players will end up being the biggest losses for Saban's Gradgrindian, buzzsaw of a defense. Alabama lost two starting corners from last season's team, first round pick Dre Kirkpatrick and DeQuan Menzie. As such, Saban dipped into the nebulous pool of JUCO talent and emerged with two corners, Deion Belue and Travell Dixon:

Based on my last conversation with Saban, both Belue and Dixon will be ready to play against Michigan on Sept. 1.
"Our system is not as complicated as some people make it out to be," Saban said. "Both guys picked it up well, and I expect them to contribute."
The rule of thumb in the SEC is that you don't bring in juco players to sit on the bench.

 If there is a light at the end of the tunnel--as I mentioned in the Alabama preview posts--it's that Saban felt the need to grab not one but two JUCO corners. The Crimson Tide do return Dee Milliner, a former 5-star who has logged a significant number of starts in his own right, but it doesn't seem like Alabama has much in the way of experienced depth after Milliner. Either way, Belue and Dixon will definitely be on the field on September 1st, which should be a good thing.

Personally, I think that Mark Barron will prove to be Alabama's biggest defensive loss. The Tide lost a lot on the front 7, but they do return a lot of talent and athleticism. I do like Vinnie Sunseri and Ha'Sean Clinton-Dix as players, but asking them to replicate Barron's play at strong safety in week 1 is asking a little much, IMO. Both are excellent talents receiving some of the best (if not the best) defensive coaching in the country, but if Al Borges and Michigan are looking for some potential weakness to target and play off of, the strong safety spot might be it.

Spencer Hall on Day 1 of SEC Media Days. You would think that I, a Michigan fan and alum, would feel above the notion of watching even one solitary second of SE Media Day coverage. You would think that, and you'd be absolutely wrong.

As much as I hate to say it, the B1G's collection of coaches are fairly bland compared to the SEC's, which can be good or bad, a dichotomy that directly correlates to how many people you've forced off of your lawn in the past year or so. If the answer is "a lot of people," then you probably find this to be a good thing.

Whatever your opinion on the matter, it's undeniably true that media days are infinitely more entertaining when coaches actually say things. After day 1, Steve Spurrier openly made fun of Ole Miss, Kevin Sumlin and Gary Pinkel spent much of their time at the podium being all "hey guys we've played competitive football before you know", and James Franklin literally made me want to put on helmet and tackle random people while quoting Shakespeare. It was an eventful day.

Instead of blabbering on any more, just read Spencer's account of the proceedings. It is very good.

True freshmen contributors: hopefully there are less of 'em. Kyle Meinke and Nick Baumgardner run down the list of potential true freshmen contributors, debating an arbitrary O/U of 6. As Meinke notes, Michigan returned 14 starters and played 7 true freshmen in 2006 (Michigan returns 15 starters this year). I find it hard to believe that Michigan plays less than that number this year.

Pipkins, Darboh, and Chesson are the candidates that come to mind first. After that, Kalis and Bolden seem like pretty good bets (although I think that everyone would hope for a redshirt for the former). Dennis Norfleet should get on the field in some capacity. Safety depth is not exactly tremendous; Jarrod Wilson will probably see the field. An injury to either Kovacs or Thomas Gordon--KNOCK ON WOOD--and Wilson is becomes understudy #1 after Marvin Robinson slides into the starting lineup.

That's 7 already, and I'm sure there will be others. Devin Funchess and AJ Williams probably aren't ready to play yet, but Michigan's TE two-deep is pretty grim. Other than that, who knows. This isn't NCAA, so there will always be guys losing redshirts that you, the all-knowing fan, might not agree with. In any case, I think it's safe to say that the less true freshmen that end up playing, the better.

More? If you didn't know anything about this whole situation, you'd think that Mizzou's and TAMU's tackles were preparing to block literal forces of nature this fall...stinks to be them, PAWL. Darius Morris picture in the excellently named Laker blog Silver Screen and Roll captioned "No more turnovers!" FWIW. Ramon Sessions's departure means nothing with Nash coming in, and Darius still has to beat out Steve Blake for the backup spot.

Bill Carmody has been recruiting surprisingly well of late for the Wildcats...I'm starting to get behind this Northwestern team as one that can grab a tourney berth even in spite of John Shurna's departure. I agree with Lake the Posts; this team, somehow, seems deeper and better equipped to avoid those late season failures than in years past.

Although I almost stopped reading after the Ayn Rand reference in the beginning, this just about sums up the folly of the Knicks' decision to not retain Lin's services.

INDISPENSABLE RECRUITING ITEMS THAT YOU COULD DEFINITELY NOT LIVE WITHOUT

As you are most probably aware, this blog takes the business of recruiting with the utmost seriousness. There is nothing that an adult male can do to better prove their fandom than to obsessively track the actions of high school kids, and, as such, this blog definitely doesn't maintain a passive-aggressive relationship with the world of recruiting. Recruiting is serious business, and Holdin' the Rope certainly treats it as such.

After filling up on bread early on in the recruiting cycle, Brady Hoke and Co. have slowed down a bit in recent months. The Wolverines' last commitment came on the 21st of June, and in the months of April, May, and June, Hoke has picked up a total of six commitments. Of course, July has netted zero commitments, and has mostly been marked by baseless speculation and Twitterized tea leaf readings for Michigan recruitniks. Luckily, with the help of Holdin' the Rope's newly launched recruiting coverage effort, you, Mr. Michigan Man, will no longer have to live in the lightless dark of recruiting-related ignorance.

With that said, it is times like these when the recruiting soothsayers of the Internet truly prove their worth. With so few spots left to fill, and the remaining prospects naturally becoming more and more secretive about their thought processes as we got closer to next February, reliable recruiting information can be difficult to find. How do we know whether or not to feel happy or sad about our lives when such little recruiting news is out there for general consumption? Who do we even know to believe anymore in this increasingly cut-throat and unethical world of recruiting coverage? Well, Michigan fans: trust me. As soon as we here at HTR find out about something, we'll be the first to relay that information to your through a filter of useless prevarication, passive-aggressive non-statements, and retroactive chest thumping.
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First of all, let's get to the most pressing bit of news on the recruiting docket, news that HTR has acquired via weeks of sleuthing, interviews, and dedicated research and fact-checking. Are you ready? HTR recruiting scoop numero uno: within the next two weeks--maybe even the next two months or years--something is going to happen. That's right, folks, something is going to happen. As we say here at Holdin' the Rope whenever recruiting things are about to go down: fasten your safety belt.

Things are happening, we can promise you that. Now, for some added verisimilitude, here are some winking emoticons if you don't believe me by now. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) Do you get it yet? Read between the lines. Whatever you're thinking right now, it's that. Yeah, that. 

Now that I've dropped this recruiting bombshell on you, replete with all the subtle winks and vague assurances that you crave, it's time to move on to the interview portion of this week's recruiting update. After tweeting at various prospects--most of whom ignored or blocked me--I finally was able to secure an interview with Generic Everyman, a 4-star prospect out of Normal, OH. Everyman has garnered offers from some of the most impressive football programs in the country, and would represent a big coup--a word which totally has more meaning in reference to recruiting updates as opposed to the toppling of oppressive autocracies--if Hoke were to acquire his commitment (especially as another recruiting victory in the Buckeye state). 

Holdin' the Rope: So, Generic, tell me about your recruiting timetable? Are you thinking about making a decision soon to get it over with or are you going to wait it out until Signing Day? 

Generic Everyman: I'd like to make a decision soon, but I've been getting a lot of offers and I still need to sort through them all. Plus, Dad says I can't decide where I'm going to play football until I do my chores and my homework. I also want to spend some time thinking up a good away message for 

AIM. *

HTR: Sounds like you've got your head on straight. You sound like a Michigan Man already. 

GE: Yeah. 

HTR: What are your thoughts on Brady Hoke? Is he the coolest? 

GE: He's a cool guy. He talked about the tradition and academics of Michigan. My parents really liked that. Academics are really important to me. 

HTR: Academics are important to you, that's great. So, who would you say is in your top 10 right now? 

GE: Michigan, Alabama, Auburn, LSU, FSU, Southwest Crocodile State, Chick-fil-A, Arkansas, Tumbleweed State, and hush puppies. 

HTR: Hush puppies? That's not even a school. 

GE: Yeah, I know. They're my favorite food though. They're soooo good. 

HTR: Haha! Yeah, they are! Speaking of favorite things, all Michigan fans want to know: what's your favorite movie and why? 

GE: 21 Jump Street is probably my favorite. The acting is just so good. I didn't believe that that fat guy and that other guy could be friends, but they were in the movie and I believed it. That's just crazy. 

HTR: It is. Any other favorites?

GE: Well, I really like old school movies. I'm like a movie historian. 40 Year Old Virgin is a classic from way back in 2005. I love watching old movies just to see how people were a long time ago. 

HTR: Yeah, definitely. It sounds like you weren't kidding when you said you were serious about academics. 

GE: Yeah. It's important to me. 

HTR: Shifting back to football, do you have any visits to Michigan planned before you make your decision? 

GE: Yeah, I'm planning on coming up in September to visit for a game. 

HTR: Where would you say that Michigan is on your list so far? 

GE: They're on there. 

HTR: Oh, really? [ed: ;) ;) ;)]. Are they in your top 20? 

GE: Yes. 

HTR: Any other big news coming up for you? Are you excited about your senior season?

GE: Yeah. 

HTR: Well alright, thanks for talking to us. Good luck this season. 

GE: Well, it's not like I had a choice after you called my house 34 times in a row at 3 in the morning and tweeted at me non-stop Thanks. 

*This template may be outdated. 

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Well, there you have it folks. To recap this week's edifying recruiting update: 

• Things are going to happen soon. I can't tell you what those things are because there are rules, but, rest assured, the skies are looking very BLUE these days ;). 
• Generic Everyman has Michigan on his top 20 list. He wants to make a decision soon, but he might not make his decision soon. He likes Michigan, but he also likes hush puppies and Chick-fil-A, so it may be tough to pull him away from the other schools on his list. Southwest Crocodile State emptied its endowment recently to add a Chick-fil-A to its student union; they may be the school to beat for Everyman's services. However, they might also not be the school to beat. Stay tuned. 
• GE's favorite movie is 21 Jump Street. Junior Hemingway wore the number 21 and was the frequent target of jump balls last year: could this be a sign? This type of expert symbology can only be found here at HTR's recruiting wing...or a Dan Brown novel! Of course, comparisons to Dan Brown can only mean good things, as he is an excellent writer, one that this humble self-anointed recruiting guru respects greatly!
• Academics are very important to GE and his parents. This obviously puts Michigan in the driver's seat, as the other schools either don't match-up academically or aren't even schools.  

Whenever anything happens, we'll let you know after the fact with vague allusions to the things that we knew but couldn't tell you before because something something!

Things to look forward to in next week's recruiting update: an update on that thing that's going to happen in either the near, medium, or distant future; we'll check back in with Generic Everyman to see how that geometry quiz went; and, lastly, we've got some exclusive news about some recruits who might be feeling blue...but not the "blue" that you might think! ;) Stay tuned and remember: fasten your safety belt, because your never know when recruiting things may or may not happen.**

**;)

Big Ten Mascots: The Untold Story

Yesterday, the mascots of the Big Ten joined the now well-entrenched craze consisting of making college football fans laugh/cringe via optical terror, also known as "singing and dancing to awful music." This craze has been birthed and propagated at places like Georgia, Missouri, Notre Dame, and Texas A&M (although, to be fair, the Aggies spared us their musical stylings in favor of complete obsequiousness). I'm afraid that there is nothing that can be done about this except to hope that a bunch of Michigan students don't make an awkward rap video centered around doing the "Hoke Walk" or something.

After breathing a sigh of relief at the fact that Michigan, yes, still does not have a mascot, I noticed two noteworthy absences: Northwestern's Willie the Wildcat and Purdue Pete. Why?, I thought. What could possibly be the reasons for such a noble and principled stand, particularly when nobility and principle have gone by the wayside in this age of increasingly NFL-ized college football? Luckily, I was able to secure an completely fabricated interview with these conscientious objectors. This is their story.